Just thinking about an old memory
…
There comes a day when everyone has to face their problems and I knew I’d have to face him soon. Today I saw him earlier then I was fearing for and for once in my life I think I came out on top. I mean It was just a group dinner after a movie, but it was one filled with people I honestly didn’t want to see. I was only going because of a doomed promise from weeks ago. On the way over I kept replaying scenes over and over in my head trying to gauge how I’ll react to seeing him. I mean let’s face it I’m normally the awkward one when it comes to these things. By the end of the car ride I couldn’t come to a conclusion. Turns out for the first time in my life I was able to peacefully ignore him. At a tiny table of six I laughed, smiled and jokes around with everyone but him and his new GF. The only one who knew my heart was beating like crazy and my pulse was galloping away like a horse was me and every time he turned to look at me or try to get me to respond I felt good. I felt like I was still ready to give him that lovely middle finger of mine. It was great. Watching him give me those looks, bringing up old memories of us and stealing glances at my boobs (lets face it I wore a very curve flattering dress) in front of his GF who was not even talking to the friend group made me feel great. I may be a broken doll in these messed up peoples minds but I’m not so broken I can’t live and keep myself together. I’m not entirely free and independent but I’m getting there. Screw You ok. I’m going to be free.
I.L. Knight
