Working on a rough draft for a book… Please leave comments if you have any thoughts. Below will be a preview of my preface. (Be kind it’s a rough rough draft)
This isn’t an Eat, Pray, Love moment. At least, it isn’t supposed be. But as I’m sitting here, just a few short weeks from my departure everything comes flooding into my mind. I’m nineteen years old. My first year in college was a mess. I’m in a “official” relationship with an old emotional attachment. ADHD is seemingly taking over my brain. My relationship with my mother is in shambles and the only thing I can think of is why? Why am I sitting here consumed with fears about my first summer as a college student?
This is probably my only summer off for the next four years of my undergraduate life. The only 3 months of fun I’ll have in between the years of LSAT prep, summer classes, language classes and G-d knows what other academic challenges get thrown at me. And instead of collapsing in the stress like I normally would, I think about this summers haphazard and erratic trip. A week in San Francisco, a month in Taiwan, two weeks in Korea, four days in Vancouver and finally an early return to my new home of Montreal. A crazy trip born from desire to run and not commit.
It’s the first leg of this trip, the week in San Francisco that has me already living in the future. It is a week of deciding my fate with my emotional attachment. The love in my very own Eat, Pray, Love journey. But this time the heroine won’t end up with a hot Brazilian guy, this time the heroine will try to end her love with a nerdy Jewish boy. Sometimes the people closest to us really should just be friends. Nothing more then that. But a week of sitting on that… Well, that’s going to suck.
In typical heroine fashion, I give myself a week of lying. I get to smile, laugh and be goofy with closest person to me. I’ll walk along the beach with him hand and hand, go hiking in the woods, eat In-N-Out and watch a small group of hipster innovators spend their days discussing the future of phones and watches. It will be lovely and like a happy dream. It’s the last night or the moment before I leave to get on the plane to Taiwan when the happy lie ends. We do so much for that moment of “closure” that I can’t help but feel as anxious as I feel relieved for the end. For the relief of the miserable seventeen hour flight to Taipei, the two hour train ride to Zuoying station and the thirty minute bus ride into the mountains – the ironic pray portion of my journey.
It is just meant be to a learning experience, something to avoid being home in the South and help me get a handle on my own overactive brain. Yet, the feeling that it will mean more encroaches on me day by day. The flame of my candle is weak to wind, but maybe going to a place that focuses on the how and not the why, the center and not the surrounding, may strengthen my budding flame. If not good food is always known to make a Southerner and a Jew happy. So maybe if love and prayer both fail, there will be success in Korea.
That’s what this summer is about. The love, the prayers and the good food. The chances to overcome my childhood insecurities and to grow up as a person. My friends are spending this summer partying and studying… But I don’t know if I can say I’m envious.
This will be a crazy summer. I’ll be tired and stressed, but I have a real chance to find myself. To find the hows in my life and the goals to drive myself forward as a person. I don’t think I’ll trade that for any other summer. I’ll keep my self help and turn away from a summer of sunshine and coladas.