Why No Updates Then Flood? :

So you may have noticed everything has been silent then like 12 things at once appears? The reason is sort of 3 fold. (1) I am returning to school soon and have a SHIT-TON of last minute  to-dos ( to the point where I can’t even joke about it). (2) Because life – all of my tec related stuffs around me keeps consistently and MAJORLY breaking. (3) The anxiety of returning back to school has me SHUTTING DOWN.

I’ve never understood  how physical fears I can sort of handle (like crises and clowns), but emotional anxieties have me shut down in a corner. Can’t move, think, even breathe sometimes. And let me tell you… returning to school has me in that state.

I lost my pride and confidence to Ankylosing Spondylitis and this struggle to get it back isn’t a sign to me I can return to school and be a proper student again. If I have always been the smart one and my struggle with things like just the chronic fatigue and memory fog is enough to make studying seemingly pointless at times, then what am I anymore?

I just feel so shaken, y’all.

I.L. Knight

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Whom Shall I Fear – Chris Tomlin

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