For the record : I wasn’t actually planning on going to this Christmas Party… I had 100% intention to be a crazy cat lady and stay home with my cat. BUT OF COURSE, fate has other plans in the form of a tv remote for the gym I forgot was in my pocket.
Surprise~ I am going to the Holiday Party. At least I got an excellent ride from a couple I love at work.
So all that being said here’s the gist of it all: I am not a party person. And it’s something I consider good and bad. It’s bad, because I definitely have times were I recognize what made me so closed off and uncomfortable with my body that I can’t enjoy that sort of “youthful” fun that a part of me really does regret not having. And it’s never a good thing, no matter who you are, to be so closed off to experiencing the world and having fun. But I also consider it good, because even if I didn’t go through certain things that made me so closed off I know I would still be a pretty traditional person. I definitely wouldn’t really make a lot of those decisions anyways. I am who I am to a certain extent. I mean even if it would mean I could of been a better dancer.
I think I had to write this though, because when I got home from the party I saw a Buzzfeed video about how one of the staff was taking/teaching pole dancing exercise classes as a way to become comfortable with her body after sexual assault. And, it was what hit me about my behavior in the party. How I sit on the side and find my enjoyment by watching others instead of actively participating in it myself. And yea, part of that is because of my ill-comfort with my own body. I think it is something I need to challenge. And maybe the solution won’t be in something like a Pole Dancing class, but it will be something.
I guess, my conclusion here is Happy Holidays. It’s a great time to evaluate yourself and remember what about you you love and what you have hope to change about yourself to grow. Because if you are in an environment like the winter holidays hopefully you are surrounded by the warmth and positivity it brings as a safe environment. And enjoy the good food, at the very least.
I need to go try and not be over serious and enjoy the forced upon me claymation,
P.S. IF I AM NOT DANCING POLITELY ASK ME TO DANCE – – DO NOT JUMP ON MY LAP/ DANCE ON ME/AND REFUSE TO GET OFF FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES. ( I have actual personal space)