I know it seems like I share a lot. I know I do. However, it’s naive to think a person shares everything. We always hold things back. We all have things so tightly locked to our idea of ourselves even we who make a living as one who shares does not part with it.
I guess I need to share a bit of my soul today. It’s about time to start doing that again…
Here goes:
This morning, I woke up delighted to remember that the first thing I had to do this morning was an AHS RP reply to my friend. It’s been awhile since I’ve felt so delighted. The problem is..everything lately has just felt like I am going through the steps I’m supposed to be taking and seeming happy when I’m not. I’m not sad… I think I am just back to being detached. It feels like I’m not a part of everything around me again. Even though I know that it looks like I am?
It’s like… It’s like the blossoming anxiety I push away everyday has secretly been crippling me even though for every reason in the world it shouldn’t be. I just can’t be happy. I’m just not able to be there.
I’m really thankful for my friends. The ones I RP with. The ones I chat online with and especially, the ones that carry a part of me with them in their daily lives.
Also, thanks for the random mystery of a CROW APPEARING IN THE MIST OF MY MIRROR (Seriously, check out my twitter. it is a spooky calling card)! I am taking the message, okay, life. I am going to be happy. I am going to succeed.
Just an incredibly emotional moment,
I.L. Knight
