I find it necessary to check in with myself. It is a challenge to stay aware of where I am at and holds me accountable for my choices. It’s a forced responsibility of sorts.
What I’m checking in with this feeling I’ve been having since I woke up at the tragically late hour of 1:30 in the afternoon. I blame insomnia and a poor three in the morning choice to pray for sleeping meds to work. They did…just a little too well.
This feeling is an unusual one. I missed everything I was supposed to do today, but besides being a little tired I still feel okay. In fact, I was able to get dressed up to look cute in new clothes and dance around my apartment in my fancy pants sexy black tights just cause too. I mean… what is this?
I don’t think it’s being happy, but…. I wonder if this is the feeling of feeling okay. If this is what it’s like for people to have an average sort of day. For things to no be too bad or too good…just…average.
If it is then…. then I think I was right to always want to just be average. Because even though the world around me isn’t great and I’m not exploding with productivity…I feel okay. The baggage I have doesn’t feel as heavy and I like myself just a little bit.
I like being this just okay. I like this feeling.
Excuse me, I think I need to go smoke some more weed.