My mother is abusive-
it’s not her fault.
She never intended to be-
Life just had environments
And Conditions.
My mother reminds me of pain-
And shame, rejection and rage.
She never intended to-
That I’m sure of,
But that’s how it’s been.
My mother doesn’t see-
I think we live in two realities.
She never meant to say the words,
But natural reactions come out
And the damage is done.
My mother once walked in-
On me being molested.
She never asked me what happened,
What was happening,
But she asked them.
…
It was natural
For me to be the ‘wrong’.
She intended to say
I was shameful
And embarrassing for her.
When I told my mom
About the rapes
The first response was-
“It’s not my fault.”
“You never said anything.”
When my health declined
And I had to learn
How to be disabled
I was over dramatic and excuseful.
Her pain was real.
When I gained weight
I was truly failed.
She wanted me to feel shame
For not being what the world ‘intended’
Or what she did.
My mother often says
That growing up
Means changing everything
About me and what I want.
I mourn in silence.
I don’t think
Se’s a bad person.
I think she has so much
Love in her heart.
But it’s a heavy pain.
…
My mother is abusive-
Because she has helped
Me form these scars.
I Love You, Mom.
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