Why Avatar On My Site ? :

Hi Hi Y’all,

I got asked why I have so many Fan Fictions and why I can’t release more of them and on a steady schedule. Honestly, it’s because I get bored of the process of writing it all down and often get side tracked with life or other inspirations.

I did, however, get asked a question about my most recent update: Avatar. I was asked why I put it up if I wasn’t really updating it. Thanks for that by the way. Felt really good to read that…

I chose the Avatar series because I was in the process awhile back of re-watching both series. I wanted to know if the explosion of debates around the two of them were worth it. My first way through, I’m not going to lie, was filled with a lot of judgement towards Korra. That being said after re-watching Avatar Aang’s journey and then Korra’s again I realized I was hella biased.

Maybe that’s why my brain was challenging me to a BEING THE AVATAR IS SO EASY HUH!? So when I came up with an idea I thought why the hell not. I can jot down some notes and maybe put it on my site. Never thought anyone would be interested in Avatar Fan Fiction or have opinions on it.

Well, here’s my answer on why this Avatar and the series progression:

Awhile back I saw two videos from Johnny 2 Cellos about Avatar Aang and Avatar Korra. In it he wanted to prove why he believed Avatar Aang was the most compassionate Avatar and that Avatar Korra was the most resilient. Thoughts on all that aside, there is one point he pointed out that I really agree with: that while each Avatar is a reincarnation of the others they are also themselves their own person.

For instance, Aang was called compassionate because he did not believe in killing even Ozai. Instead, he took away his ability to bend. Now, an Avatar like Kyoshi would do what was needed and feel no qualms about it. Avatar Yangchen was also born as an Air Nomad and yet she believed the duty to the world was greater than the duty to herself; which means there is no argument for saying it is the influence of their natural born elements and their corresponding environments either for the distinct differences between the individual reincarnations. Their decisions come down to the individual in each life time.

In the case of Korra, she was called the most resilient for facing consistent and extreme personal challenges; all while having to embark on the new age of publicity and media. You could if you wanted to try to speculate on how Avatar Aang’s personality and choices may differ but in my point of view that is a waste of time and more about comparing the series. Aang wasn’t around to make those choices and if he was they were completely different situations. His decisions could of radically changed when dealing with public pressure or not being able to bend at all. Further, Aang was an Air Nomad and Korra, while I believe does not display much of the stereotypes of the Southern Water Tribe, is from the Water Tribe. That gives them completely different upbringings and philosophies to start from. Which may not affect the personalities of the individual reincarnations but does affect the environment and learned behavior they grew up on.

In the case of imagining a new Avatar those where the things in my head: the Avatar’s are their own individuals, their background helps define their current self and that they make their own choices. I am a huge cliche of a nerd so of course my brain jumped ahead one to the next fire bending Avatar. Timeline wise that’s a pretty big jump in society. Which was both annoying and interesting, because I got to imagine an Avatar in our modern society. Instantly, my brain was like damn Earth Benders are now scarily dangerous and completely terrifying. *Hint Hint*

But what about fire benders? What about their history of trying to move on from being the empire of major war crimes and military power? What about being a monarchy in modern society? What about their bending abilities place in a world where power and light doesn’t need flame?

As a child, I often wondered what it would mean to be born with no purpose. It’s a weird question for a kid I know, but I was always told what my purposes where: to educate myself, to succeed in the views of society, to be there for family. Those three things have been my definition since I was a child. I can’t compare it to being the Avatar but I could say I was told my purpose young and was expected to fill it. Avatar Aang chose to runaway from his expectations in the beginning; while, Avatar Korra ran straight towards them. In the case of the two of them I’d say I started as Korra. Run blindly into the future as it has been told.

Maybe that’s why when I imagined an Avatar I imagined one that had difficulties similar to Korra: having an idea of what your purpose is that realizing through challenges that your purpose is your’s own. But, to be honest, I also see myself very differently from Korra and when I write a character I always give them something from me or someone I know within them. So, when I wrote Rina what I imagined was someone who dealt with identity issues and such but in the beginning how I would of thought in certain challenges. Then from there I let her learn her own lessons and develop into her own new person.

In the original series the first book was Water. I wanted to keep the theme from the original series and make the first book Water as well. I think it really fits with the beginning of the Avatar I imagined because of water is. It is a reflection. You see what is outside physically and can change it. You also see what is inside and are forced to confront it. You may heal it if you want or maybe just use it to become aware of it.

I wanted the Avatar I created to have a backstory that would need to be reflected first in water for both herself and the audience. In a modern world the Avatar takes on a whole different meaning. In this case the Avatar has reasons on why they don’t want to fulfill those meanings and so a reflection of the past shows the start of the development for the future.

This Avatar is her own individual person so her backstory has to be a past different from those Avatars that came before her. I will say upfront that besides having parents that don’t like the idea of the Avatar at this point of time she also will have a deep seated personal reason to not want the role. It is the loss of people closest to her: the pain that comes with expectations.

To me, that is a reflection of Water that is worthy for a start.

I don’t want to say more because this isn’t about spoiling anything. More like trying to answer a few questions asked of me. However, I will say that if I can get through it all there will be a Book of Earth, A Book of Fire and then a Book of Air in the order of the bending cycles. The Book of Earth will be about the world and its foundations. Are things sturdy and solid? The Book of Fire is about life, inspiration, creativity. Is the world and its people set for destruction by their own actions? The Book of Air is about intellectual thought, reason, understanding and memory. Has everyone understood what’s been going around them and prepared for the memories they have created?

And, yes, I will be referring back to the ideas I came up with for the Earth bending Avatar that would of come before her. He may have died young but his decisions have played a huge part in the world and in Rina’s decision.

Does that make any sense or answer any of that question?

Maybe, sometimes, a part of me just wants to think back to a time where I believed there wasn’t something funny about believing their are special people.

Also, fire is fun.

I.L. Knight

Avatar Opening Cycle

Star Trek :

Hi Hi Y’all,

So, you know lots of Fan Fiction updates. Last week @outremusings and I delivered a mass of one of the most popular Fan Fiction on the site Star Trek. Of course, we have more~~~~

WE ARE UP TO 90 CHAPTERS!

I.L. Knight

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Star Trek Great Moments

Back Pain & Why Tattoos :

Hi Hi Y’all,

I know more and more I talk about chronic illness. It’s not meant to just be a purge, a kvetch or a notice for recognition. Lately, my flare up have just been getting worse and longer. All the advice doctors gave and the awkward hard to explain moments just seem worse. More then ever, I am just tired. So very tired…

A friend of mine is coming up to visit me in April and I am so excited to have someone see where I go to University and be an understanding friend. I had been debating when ( and more importantly) where to get a back tattoo I have always wanted.

When I was a kid I was obsessed with Yakuza movies, samurai movies and ronin movies. I loved the traditional colorful tattoos on them and the values that seemed to come with them. As I got older, learned more about what it meant and how it was perceived I didn’t want such a large piece anymore. For awhile, I thought about abandoning the idea completely.

Then I got my diagnosis and I started to reconsider. What eventually solidified the desire to get the tattoo was this increasing problems. My drugs are increasing and surgeries that seemed far off seem sooner and sooner. More and more I feel like I am missing out and that I’ll miss out on things even more in the future. Weighed down by everything around me and having it all be unseen is taking a bigger toll on me. I can do less then I used to at the moment and no one really sees it or understands it. More and more I have to come to terms with being seen by the average person as a ‘disappointment’.

It’s these things that make me stop caring about some of the things I used to. If I feel like life is short and changing so much for me I have to at least do the things I enjoy? A giant back tattoo or some crazy visual representation of all my problems probably won’t do much for me, but that doesn’t mean I can’t stick to aesthetic and feel as if I did something to show it.

My back has two curves and a tiny hump on my neck. At the top of my spine there are signs of bones thinning and possibly going to fade away. As you got to the bottom of my spine fusing has started, my hips are out of place and my legs are now two different lengths. None of this can be seen or understood unless I give up and say I want to walk around like Quasimodo so people notice me. That is always going to be the reality of my back. Anything from now on won’t be seen.

I like small minuscule and thin lined tattoos. Normally, I don’t want color and just want simple black. I’ve known since I was small I would want tattoos that represented ideas that meant a lot to me in life. Knowing this it isn’t hard for me to know what sort of tattoo I’d get on my back.

At the top of my neck, I would want in thin black lines Vegvisir. Vegvisir is one of the most popular Nordic charms. It wishes for the person to never lose their way in storm and bad weather even if the path is unknown. I don’t think there is anything more symbolic of everything going on then that. However, there is one more reason. My great grandma’s mother was a Swedish Orphan. She had come to the U.K. and met a Spanish Jew. They married and moved to the U.S. Apparently, unlike her husband and the efforts she put into now being Jewish and raising Jewish kids she never gave up her belief system. She was very very very Christian. I’m talking crosses and bloody Jesus pictures everywhere sort of Christian. Yet, there was one thing that my great grandma remembered seeing even when she didn’t know the name of it until I told her: Vegvisir. In a legacy where only food and some old myths managed to be passed down, my great grandma could vaguely in her dying times remember seeing Vegvisir as a child. Now how could I argue with that? Jewish or not, my great grandma read me Nordic myths as I was growing up, joked how if it was true Odin was 100% cooler than Zeus, and how we were meant to be tough because it was just in our blood. I’m traveling rough waters right now and maybe that means it isn’t just about being Jewish, but remembering all beliefs that helped create me.

Underneath Vegvisir is the real highlight though. Running in small thin lines will be the I Ching and its 64 changes. For a person of my aesthetic and weirdness (and love for Asian culture) what is better then 64 line patterns each symbolizing a different part of early understanding and divination? Nothing. Seriously, nothing at all. My life is certainly one of change and phases, of fortunes and dis-fortunes, and of joy and sadness. These line patterns will follow the crooked path my spine takes all the way to my tailbone. Maybe it will seem funny to some, but to me it’s a little part of the truth. And when these inevitable surgeries come, the scars appear on my back and the fight through new types of pain begins, I have marks of it all. Little lines that exist as part of scars and as part of the journey.

Going through all of this has taught me that living behind a mask is no longer something I’ll really be good at again. My body demands of me the truth. It demands that I grow past the angry cynical jaded girl I was when I was young and try to find the joy of life. It tells me that it will not tolerate lies and will only tolerate truth.

Don’t I have to do it then?

I.L. Knight

P.S. Odin really is way better. Norse > Greek everyday <3

Vegvisir

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I Ching

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Pagan Folk Music – Vegvisir

Boys :

When you successfully avoid all the traps a boy from the past throws out at you. The bait-switch, the pitfall, the recollection, the poke and prod, the tease…. I AVOIDED THEM ALL MOTHER FUCKER. Instead, I got a serious of apologies.

Take that… Take that to your record of past experiences you need to learn from.

I OWNED YOU SON.

I.L. Knight

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Work Bitch – Britney Spears

The Classic Bagel Joint :

Every Jewish girl, boy, appreciator has normally one constant in their lives: a good bagel place that knows them since they were children. So naturally, I do as well. A place that stockpiles the good tofu cream cheese and nova. Although, if we are being honest they need to improve their sturgeon game (seriously, it is so dry).

Today, though, in a place where everyone knows everyone, I was embarrassed. With my family it is always the same conversation. My grandfather tells me all the natural remedies and the power of Tumeric and says that will solve everything. It goes on for twenty minutes, as I get lectured on my dependency on medication and how I shouldn’t do my Humera paperwork, because it has so many side effects. I eventually get frustrated with him, because let’s face my entire family ‘cares’ a lot about my illness and has down all the research. You inability to even name what I have, or generally know my health concerns is a great example.

Still, the embarrassment wasn’t coming from me having to tell my grandfather, “Enough. It’s an auto-immune disease, dad. I don’t get to just take Turmeric every night and I will be cured. Besides, I already do take Turmeric every night!”, it came from walking over to my grandmother afterwards. Her words,” Stop it. That’s all you ever talk about. You and your list of problems. I’m tired, or I hurt. We know. You sound like no vaccine people. Natural cures do work sometimes…” You know why you guys can’t name what I have or my symptoms, MAYBE IT IS BECAUSE SINCE I FIRST STARTED HAVING HEALTH PROBLEMS YOU NEVER LET ME FINISH THE LIST OF ISSUES THAT NEEDED TO BE ADDRESSED BECAUSE THAT WAS CALLED COMPLAINING AND DEPRESSION TO YOU. The immediate answer every time can’t be a cut off, positive story, and now let me inspire motivation. Just acknowledge that waking up feeling like your body is on fire, SUCKS ASS. Acknowledge that I try so hard to keep with your beliefs and not be my mother and avoid relying on medication. I avoid pain killers, nerve-blockers, I even try to maintain sleep without sleeping pills, so I am succeeding on my own strength. Why you got to constantly embarrass me like that?

The woman at the cash register even felt like she needed to say something. Her sister has Lupus, so she said she sort of understood what I was going through. I thanked her, said her sister was brave and lucky to have her, got a free coffee, and a good luck from her. You see. Normal way to engage in conversation. Normal actions. No embarrassment.

I really hate that I write about this stuff so much lately. It’s like all the time my writing is about this and all I want to do is be writing about other things…But this is a part of my life now…a big part…a part I’m struggling with, because it affects everything around me and can change me so much. I can’t predict how I’ll be the next day. I can only hope my pre-planning works out. Fevers out of nowhere, forgetting things a lot one day, not being able to concentrate because your brain can literally not follow a sentence, and the constant check ins to monitor your medication or general health is my new life. It’s uncharted rough waters. You don’t know how to stop you from waking up one day and not being able to lift your knee up more than a few inches, or it being a day where you can’t leave your bed for awhile because you are stuck in a position you don’t remember laying in.

You are just in everyone else’s eyes weak and depressed. Even if you know you aren’t depressed, because of how you can see yourself struggling. I mean, I struggle to try and live through this chaotic ups and downs and even try to be strong, to be happy, to recognize I can’t carry the luggage from my past, and that I have to accept things because my body has no other option at this point. Still, I can’t argue it does make me mentally tired. Explaining these things over and over and not getting the results I want, because I myself can’t decide what I want to hear…I can’t even be a good friend sometimes, because I can’t handle another person.

It weighs heavily on my mind how when this all started I didn’t listen to my gut feelings about this all and got to the point I was at. How I can’t lose the weight I gained in any quick manner, because I can’t do the cardio that would burn those calories, and even if I did I need to dedicate time to body weight training sessions to maintain mobility and regain atrophied muscles… It eats away at me SO MUCH.

There’s a reason I am at a bagel place for my cheat day. I need to be able to eat a proper bagel more then every three to four months. I am a Jewish girl. OKAY. We live on this stuff. It is part of our culture. There is even a Yiddish saying about lacking bagels, “Lign in drerd un bakn beygl!” It directly means, May you lie in the ground and bake bagels… In other words, you should burn in hell and be depraved of bagels you are being forced to create. Bagels are serious man….

So can you at least not embarrass me at our bagel joint? Our last name even means bagel…..It should be sacred ground.

I.L. Knight

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Tradition – Fiddler On The Roof

Childhood & Naruto

I think there is a part of me that will never grow up. BECAUSE THE NEWS OF AN OFFICIAL CONTINUATION OF NARUTO THROUGH HIS CHILDRENS’ GENERATION HAS ME LIKE A SQUIRREL ON CRACK COCAINE. I have gone through the steps of re-crying over Neji’s death, re-igniting my love for Naruhina, marathoned shippuden/the last/Boruto and prepared myself for the apparent sci-fi twist of the new series. I am so excited. I need spring 2016 to just come so I can keep reading. I am dying to see the character development of Himawari, a possible relationship between Himawari and Inojin, HER HAVING THE FOX, the expected relationship of Boruto and Sarada, their character developments and in general just to see how badass all the kids will be. I can’t wait to see how the kids reflect both parents and the relationships the other villages have with each other now. 

I AM JUST SO EXCITED AND HYPER AND HAPPY,
I.L. Knight

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