Work Christmas Party

For the record : I wasn’t actually planning on going to this Christmas Party… I had 100% intention to be a crazy cat lady and stay home with my cat. BUT OF COURSE, fate has other plans in the form of a tv remote for the gym I forgot was in my pocket.

Surprise~ I am going to the Holiday Party. At least I got an excellent ride from a couple I love at work.

So all that being said here’s the gist of it all: I am not a party person. And it’s something I consider good and bad. It’s bad, because I definitely have times were I recognize what made me so closed off and uncomfortable with my body that I can’t enjoy that sort of “youthful” fun that a part of me really does regret not having. And it’s never a good thing, no matter who you are, to be so closed off to experiencing the world and having fun. But I also consider it good, because even if I didn’t go through certain things that made me so closed off I know I would still be a pretty traditional person. I definitely wouldn’t really make a lot of those decisions anyways. I am who I am to a certain extent. I mean even if it would mean I could of been a better dancer.

I think I had to write this though, because when I got home from the party I saw a Buzzfeed video about how one of the staff was taking/teaching pole dancing exercise classes as a way to become comfortable with her body after sexual assault. And, it was what hit me about my behavior in the party. How I sit on the side and find my enjoyment by watching others instead of actively participating in it myself. And yea, part of that is because of my ill-comfort with my own body. I think it is something I need to challenge. And maybe the solution won’t be in something like a Pole Dancing class, but it will be something.

I guess, my conclusion here is Happy Holidays. It’s a great time to evaluate yourself and remember what about you you love and what you have hope to change about yourself to grow. Because if you are in an environment like the winter holidays hopefully you are surrounded by the warmth and positivity it brings as a safe environment. And enjoy the good food, at the very least.

I need to go try and not be over serious and enjoy the forced upon me claymation,

I.L. Knight

P.S. IF I AM NOT DANCING POLITELY ASK ME TO DANCE – – DO NOT JUMP ON MY LAP/ DANCE ON ME/AND REFUSE TO GET OFF FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES. ( I have actual personal space)

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O Holy Night

A Not So Jewish Christmas…

Sometimes being Jewish in December is exhausting. Every where you go Christian friends are like squirrels on crack cocaine. Your town is slowly, or in some cases over night, turning into a “joy” den. All while you are dreaming of staying in with a glass of wine and some premium Chinese take out. After all, the end of December is your hibernation period.  The time when wild animals fight each other for deals on electronics, marked down sugar and ugly socks for the cousins no one likes. Who in their rational mind would venture out into that? No, it is much safer for the Jewish girl to enjoy a night filled with delicious asian food, normal music and the chance to be entertained by something non-TV related. Even more enticing is the chance to spend quality time with other non-Christian friends and gossip like busy bees about the past year. As per custom of the non-included statements like, “Santa Claus isn’t real”, “not even the point of Christmas”, “everything is stolen from other holidays”, “capitalistic creation” and “I’m pretty sure Jesus was born in March” are thrown out year after year again. Just like a cult ritual, preparation for a New Year came with identifying ourselves as separate from the Coke Brother’s jolly red suited man. Every year becoming a joke of waiting for a heap of coal. 
This year didn’t follow my comfortable expectation. I returned from college to a mom unusually hyped up on candy canes and yule tide glow. It wasn’t to her excitement that the week Christmas music, “traditional” activities and constant chammer of Santa visits had my mood at an arctic level. For once there was snow in Florida and the freezing chill was coming from our holiday home.  Imagine to both our surprises when I actually enjoyed a version of Christmas. After the complaining about capitalism and religious politics ended, I admitted to liking having a small tree for the first time. That I actually and secretly loved the song silent night. That making cookies at a holiday party with friends was adorable and spending Christmas eve and Christmas having a nice family dinner is amazing. 
This was the spirit of Christmas- family bonding. It was the same feeling all the other December holidays held. All were about unconditional love. So even if I wasn’t a fan of Christmas, I was definitely a fan of spending good times with the family. After all, no one cares more for you or loves you deeper then your own family. It’s all in the blood ties and holiday spirit. 
I.L. Knight
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