Ghost Dreams :

Hi Hi Y’all,

I don’t know if I ever posted about this before but there is some spooky ooky psychic (maybe?) history with my grandmother and I. In her case, she used to accurately dream about someone’s death before it happened! She was dead on for all of them at 8/8. The dreams stopped when my grandfather took her to see someone. At the time he told her, she could get rid of them by dreaming of ‘white’. Apparently, it worked. My grandmother had never had another death prediction dream since then.

Fake, false, psychology or not I still find that a bit spooky.

Now, I normally don’t talk or write about this but the whole reason she even told me about it was because when I was a kid I used to always wake up in the middle of the night and when I did for about 5 minutes see ‘ghosts’. The worst part was they were always children.

Now, at the time, my grandpa was all like ghosts don’t exist, be rational. So, we chalked it up to me just having sleep issues and a really overactive imagination.

We worked on my sleep issues and being on a regular sleep schedule and for awhile I was sleeping through the night again.

What happened next sucked though…

Every once in awhile I would see something in the shadows, mirrors and glass. A few times I found out that I was seeing things people had said were historicaly known deaths. However, once again it was chalked up to something rational: a huge reader, unconscious knowledge/memory and that overactive imagination.

When I wasn’t having the shivers or feelings of something cold all of a sudden that was fine for me.

My mom taught me to never mess with bad juju just in case.

Soon, those stuff started to disappear and I was really happy about that. I felt like I could take an easier breath ever now and then. Especially, when traveling around the South with all of our graves!

Then two things happened: (1) my grandmother and I both had a really weird experience and (2) I started to get night terrors.

See, years after my grandmother has never had a problem with the spooky ooky she got a literal push back into it by something.

The two of us were in this small winter town that had only a little bit of historical stories. Something, we certainly had no idea of at the time! It all started with this resteraunt in a train. At first, I had been really excited at the idea. However, as soon as we got there this was this chill that rushed into my spine that felt nothing like the cold winter air that surrounded us. It was deeper and in my bones. As we stepped into the train and were guided to our seats the feelings only got worse. The cold feeling was in all of the bones in my body. My head and heart began to pound and I could feel my hand occasionally shaking. By the time the waiter arrived all I could hear in my head was LEAVE. I had made a passing remark to my grandparents about it and it was taken as funny. The waiter over heard and told us there was actually a story related to the train. Still, that would not interfere with my grandfather’s desire to eat a recognized gourmet meal. The entire time, I felt myself sitting as still as possible. I wasn’t able to eat.

When we left the train, I immedietely felt like someone pulled a heavy curtain off of me. It was a complete reverseal. My body felt lighter and warmer (even in – winter air). Nothing was hurting or shaking. Thankful to be out of there, I found myself smiling and window shopping in the town with my family again.

However, if that was all it was I wouldn’t of mentioned this story at all. The spooky ooky came when we were in one of the tourist stores. My grandmother and I both weren’t ready for it.

As we were leaving something happened. My grandmother later said she felt pushed as she suddenly fell forward through the exit door and onto the floor. No one thought it was anything but clumsiness until a few minutes later I felt myself pushed through the door and when I caught myself from falling it was even worse. Something grabbed my arm and pulled me forward. I, somehow, moved forward four steps and then fell over part of an ice scultpure that was on the ground.

Everyone thought we were clumsy and were laughing at the time. But my grandmother and I both looked at each other. Something was wrong. When I looked down at my arm there was a part of it that was red. Another thing just attributed to the fall. But it was in an area that none of the other bruising was near.

I’ve never encountered that feeling ever again but I’ve also never forgot it either.

The other thing was something I feel is even more embarrassing to admit: Night Terrors. I’ve gotten them on and off for years. If you’ve never had them before I can assure you they are horrible things.

Thankfully, over the years these night terrors have gotten less frequent. I barely have them.

However, from them I seem to have developed random nights with Sleep Paralysis and that feels worse.

With the Night Terrors it’s only your mind going crazy and playing on your stresses and fears but the Sleep Paralysis…that always seems to play on something else entirely.

In my case, I always wake up seeing a shadow over me and feeling the undesirable need to scream and shout for help. I never can. I can’t even my mouth or limbs.

Honestly, I agree with all of the rational and proven evidence for all of these things. There’s just always going to be a part of me that believes there are things we don’t yet understand and some strange experiences a person can experience.

What do you think? Sound crazy?

I.L Knight

Haunted – Taylor Swift

KO- FI Tuesday :

Hi Hi Y’all,

As you know when running your own brand/business and/or creative endeavors in this modern world it becomes important to understand and learn social media and independent funding platforms. I, however, do not and probably never will.

Originally, I had made a random Patreon and Ko-Fi to play around with and see if I can learn. When I started struggling with it I did drop them. However, I have been convinced to go back and put the time in to really understand and sort through one of them.

I decided on Ko-Fi because it seems easier and more clear cut for me. Tuesday’s about twice a month I will be either uploading new chapters in an exclusive web novel or chapters in a series I am writing for my younger cousin for fun. She asked for it and I will deliver.

As a proper schedule and clear cut boundary develops for my differing platforms the goal for Ko-Fi is to also have previews of artwork related to my Fan Fictions, my light novels, my web novels and my D&D content.

Please, take a second when you have time to scroll through it and let me know what you like or dislike.

I.L. Knight

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Ko-Fi Explanations

Fan Fiction Friday :

Hi Hi Y’all ~

So this is going to be a tiny Fan Fiction Friday update. Introducing, All Souls Trilogy by Deborah Harkness into the fold today~

I’m a huge fan of the series and I am super happy my brain finally sparked with an idea for what to do with it!

~ Hope Y’all Enjoy The First Chapter ~

I.L. Knight

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Diana & Matthew

I Almost Died Again… :

Hi Hi Y’all~

So GUESS WHAT? I almost died again! Maybe… I could of just been badly injured…. ANYWAYSSERIOUSLY I CAN’T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED.

I live in a business and bank district so even in the winter time I’m expecting to have at least some streets salted and regular winter codes of conduct followed. BUT NO.

There in a moment someone didn’t follow the established rules AND started to push snow and ice off the roof a pretty large building.

BY  SOME MIRACLE, or some weird sixth sense I never knew I had, my feet stopped moving all of a sudden AND RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME a giant block of ice exploded on the ground.

The piece of ice was larger than my fat cat and if my feet hadn’t stopped all of a sudden it would of no doubt landed straight down on my head.

I’m not going to say I had an Oh My God Life is precious and I need to to suddenly be pro life and motivational speeches moment…. But I have certainly have done in a recheck.

Everything has been pretty good and happy for the last few weeks for me. It’s been like getting back on the right track and picking up speed in the right direction again. AND THEN THIS!?

I don’t know how to take it. I’m not a super religious person or a completely nonreligious person so it’s not like there’s a book that tells me how to take the event in a specific way. So I’m just going to take a moment and pick a meaning… I guess?

For me, I think I’ll take this as a grace or blessing or a reminder that even in happy times I have to keep to a schedule. This way I won’t continue my trend of getting complacent and forgetting to do the steps that let me be happy in the first place.

Mhm. That’s the reaction and lesson I’m taking from this experience.

Anyways, Can you believe I almost died again? 

I’m only 23, y’all.

I.L. Knight

P.s. I couldn’t help screaming ‘Holy Shit’ in the moment~

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If I Die Young – The Band Perry

I Know It Seems :

I know it seems like I’m open,

Like a house with no doors

Or a window jacked open.

But that’s simply not true.

It’s simply a joke.

I’m nothing but closed

Like a house with no windows

Or a door bolted close.

I present myself simple,

Because simple is best.

Simple clothes, simple goals

Just a little simple less.

At the end of the day I’m simple no less,

But a girl waiting wanting to be blessed.

NF wanted therapy,

Joyner wanted change,

Lil Dicky just wanted to change the game.

But all I wanted was my life to change.

For it no longer to seem like a losing game,

Or a session that’s ended with more therapy

And not a thing of gain.

I know it seems like I’m open,

But all I am is a eulogy unopened.

I.L. Knight

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Therapy – NF

Exhausted :

Hi Hi Y’all,

I am completely and utterly exhausted. BUT. I have to push through for at least another 3 days…SO. Adding to the site today we have one chapter update for American Horror Story Fan Fiction:

Chapter 7

AAAAND… I have Part 1 of the updates for an orginal web novel series between Outremusings and myself, called H x E. There is now 21 chapters up!

H X E

Other news, I did one of those Buzzfeed thingies. I tried to go back to my past life and stuffs. So I asked myself (as instructed by the video) what have I brought with me, and this is what I saw:

The sight of tan bareless feet running….trees…I’m in a forest. I love the forest…It’s so beautiful….But I can’t think like that because I’m suddenly filled with worry…I’m fleeing from something…I can see my hands. There tan, rough. I think I’m Pacific Islander. Maybe South Asian…But my instinct says I’m Pacific Islander…. I can also feel smoke although I can’t see it….Just like how I can suddenly feel the ocean near me…I keep falling… I want to stop running…I’m exhausted…So exhausted… I just want it all to stop.. BUT..I know I can’t. I have to get where I’m going.I think I’m a screw up. That I’m not good at what I’m supposed to be good at. And now I know all these people depend on me getting there. And I hear the sound of someone crying, but I can’t see them. I didn’t know the pain could get worse…and as I run I see black start to cover my vision………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

I think I died. I don’t think I made it. I think I let down those people. Because suddenly I hear lots of cries, and know a fire is crawling towards me. That I’m about to become ashes and return to the earth…I know I never made it………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….And then I’m back in that world tree. The accumulation of all mes is a little girl with a bunny doll. And I watch her drop this tiny old fashioned bunny. I watch it fall from this tree and place that is dark and light all at the same time to empty space. Falling until somehow I can no longer see it. The words in a voice I can’t recognize linger in my head, ‘Let Go’.

Welp. That was my one fun introspective update of the week. Also, I got called a Kyke today in class. I won’t get into it, but… I haven’t been called a Kyke since I was seven and in such rural South you questioned  everything about yourself…Still processing that. But I know I’m feeling some sort of pain.

Also, to my friend Outremusings, my ride or die, I’m sorry I’ve been falling into old patterns and not being a good friend. There’s no excuse.

My goal was to stop myself from feeling so overwhelmed. It was to control my anxiety and be here in the present with the people that love me and the people I love. And you are most definitely on the top of that list.

I really just want to feel like I’ve become successful in any capacity…I want my service dog.

I.L. Knight

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Shalom Chaverim

Side Note – Where I’m At :

What a few days it’s been. There is so much I want to say, get off my chest. First off, I want to say I am thankful for my friends. To use one of my friends words: “I’ve been burned by a lot of people, and now I shy away from people, because ‘people are crazy’.” It’s a good description that sometimes you need to hear from someone else. These are the friends I am thankful for. Because, they’ll say something like this when they know my anti-depressants are starting ware off or just if I need to hear it.

And I’ve been needing to hear it.

For one, there’s this boy. This innocent, kind, naive adorable boy. He legitimately likes me and is eager to get to know me. But whether its genuine me or genuine insecurities that wonderfully kind boy so soon has become someone that is boring to me. And I stay with it, not wanting anything serious, but allowing this poor boy to care. It’s a new comfortable warmth. I like it. And I know that makes me a bad person, but I like having someone for the first time in my life that is like eager to get to know me and be there for me. So, I have to face that soon.

Then there’s my health. It’s like in the last two months I have a basically constant flare up. Like FUCK MAN. Every time I feel good life has to be like here’s your weekly reminder of pain, pain and more pain. I’m so sick of it. I feel like every time I start to move past my rage phase some flare up happens and I get angry all over again. It’s just not something I know how to move past. How am I supposed to survive with a body that literally hates itself and is attacking me. And my mind! I have to manage all the pain, lack of mobility, and anxiety it causes with being  manic-depressive already. I’ve fought my depressing cynical nature since I was a child. It’s always been a struggle for me to not be the sort of person who would be numb as the world ended up dying in flames. Now, I have to manage anxiety attacks and even more loathsome self image! I mean come on. How am I expected to be a fully functioning adult here. Scratch that, how am I expected to be a semi functioning human.

Will my service dog applications really help me as much as I hope it will!

A semi alive state of either sleeping too much, or not sleeping at all.

Then there’s my new fond fleeting hope that returning to acupuncture once a week may help manage all of this extra pain. Of course, I have to deal with everyone telling me that a legitimate medical practice is equal to a shaman convincing you to enjoy shoving needles into yourself.

Gah! I’m also like so lonely and need to start working again, so I can afford to be at the school I don’t even want to be at. WHY DO I NOT HAVE MONEY. WHY IS THE WORLD SOOOOO…. ugh. You know, I really do work hard. I wish sometimes there was a better more immediate pay off.

Oh. Some good news! A new web novel series has been added to my site. It’s called World Conquering Dungeon! The Prologue is up, so check it out!

Thank Y’all for reading,

I.L. Knight

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These Times – SafetySuit

Sunday Announcement :

Hi Hi Y’all !!!

I have a bunch of news for you! First off I have Fan Fiction Updates ~~~

The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina

The Originals

Next, I have to shout out my girl, Lisa Stapleton. She is going to be the go to blogger for NANO 2018!

https://lisastapletonauthor.wordpress.com/

I will also be doing NANO 2018 and have a discord with a few other writers. It will be as close 24-hrs as possible for all the writers out there so be sure to join at this link below:

htt[s://discord.gg/Yudt66P

As for my other work, all the fun original goodies I am happy to announce the tentative schedule. Next Wednesday I will be releasing a teaser for my debut novella The Chronicles: A Tale of Shadow & Light.

AND that’s not all. Before next Wednesday, for those who keep their eyes on the site, will be the first to see updates on one of my web novel series.

Don’t forget to check out my weekly Sunday, 11am est Smite stream for dropped hints about whats coming in the week! AND PLEASE…

Tenguufeather

If you have a moment or two take the chance to hop on over to my Patreon and help a girl out.

I.L. Knight

Thanks for everything my little lovelies,

I.L. Knight

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Like A Vampire – Catrien Maxwell

Just Adding A Little :

Hi Hi Y’all!

I was really super busy, but I wanted to make sure I updated some stuff. I added [ Day 5 ] to the Re:Monster Fan Fic page.

I also want to link a story that is both on the Fan Portal Page and the Overlord Page. It was an Omake writer for Luisa. And for some reason I had to re-publish it because it wasn’t showing up on my actual site.

Please check them out,

I.L. Knight

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Pure Pure Pleiades – Pandora Actor OVA