Hi Hi Y’all~
So GUESS WHAT? I almost died again! Maybe… I could of just been badly injured…. ANYWAYS… SERIOUSLY I CAN’T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED.
I live in a business and bank district so even in the winter time I’m expecting to have at least some streets salted and regular winter codes of conduct followed. BUT NO.
There in a moment someone didn’t follow the established rules AND started to push snow and ice off the roof a pretty large building.
BY SOME MIRACLE, or some weird sixth sense I never knew I had, my feet stopped moving all of a sudden AND RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME a giant block of ice exploded on the ground.
The piece of ice was larger than my fat cat and if my feet hadn’t stopped all of a sudden it would of no doubt landed straight down on my head.
I’m not going to say I had an Oh My God Life is precious and I need to to suddenly be pro life and motivational speeches moment…. But I have certainly have done in a recheck.
Everything has been pretty good and happy for the last few weeks for me. It’s been like getting back on the right track and picking up speed in the right direction again. AND THEN THIS!?
I don’t know how to take it. I’m not a super religious person or a completely nonreligious person so it’s not like there’s a book that tells me how to take the event in a specific way. So I’m just going to take a moment and pick a meaning… I guess?
For me, I think I’ll take this as a grace or blessing or a reminder that even in happy times I have to keep to a schedule. This way I won’t continue my trend of getting complacent and forgetting to do the steps that let me be happy in the first place.
Mhm. That’s the reaction and lesson I’m taking from this experience.
Anyways, Can you believe I almost died again?
I’m only 23, y’all.
P.s. I couldn’t help screaming ‘Holy Shit’ in the moment~
If I Die Young – The Band Perry
Clotho, Lachesis, Atropos
I don’t know what to write about anymore. Thousands of words and ideas just flow through my head trying to distract me from what I don’t want to admit. I feel empty and alone. So much is going on around me and I am not strong enough to stand through it smiling. Steven Tyler said Every life has a measure of sorrow, and sometimes this is what awakens us. If this is true who decides how much sorrow? As I kid I always thought it was the three fates, that Clotho- the spinner-Lachesis- the measurer- and Atropos- who at death with her shears cuts the thread of life- didn’t just measure our lives but what it was filled with. I figured only blind women could decide how much good and bad we’d have. As I grew older I realized it was stupid to think three women who work with mathematical numbers measure out emotion. We all have a fate, but it doesn’t make us follow a strict path like dolls, it is full of bends and twists. Knowing this I can’t blame someone for the turns I’ve chosen but I want to. I want to blame someone for making me feel empty inside. I want to blame everyone else for me not having it easy, but I know I can’t. G-d gives you what he knows you can handle and even though I’m not handling it well now I can’t help but feel I’ll handle it well tomorrow or the next day. I guess I took a few wrong turns and I gave my heart to the wrong person, but little by little I’ll make my way back and little by little I can get my heart back. I don’t want to feel empty and if I can see the way to not feel empty I’m going to try and take it. I don’t want the idle resignation to my wrong choices. I may love them but I want to awaken my happiness. It may be overly optimistic for me but I want to be happy. I deserve it. I’m a child of this new generation. It’s a generation filled with all kinds of emotional chaos and it may not be the bloody war we define as hardship but it is a war. This is a generation of kids who feel empty, dissatisfied, confused and unsure. Children who want to be the opposite of everything they’re taught. Children who want to leave in fantasy of the past and children who want to live in the fantasy of the future. Well, one day I don’t want to feel alone. I want to myself and everyone else of my generation to feel.
I’m telling you now. We may be empty shells at the moment. We may look for euphoria by cruel methods and we may royally fuck up, but we are not stagnant. I feel empty, but one day I won’t be, because I can still hope and fight for the chance to not be. We are the Indigo children.
Sorry Clotho, Lachesis, Atropos I’m not letting you decide how my life will be like and when it will end.