HAPPY HALLOW’S EVE & Fan Fiction Fridays ~

Hi Hi Y’all~

It’s Halloweeen y’aaallll~

I was saving this upcoming [ #FFF ] Fan Fiction Friday for this exact day. Let us liiiive in the fantasy for one day of horror and treats. I have prepared for you all and for our crazy little Sam quiet a selection.

 20 + New Chapters of Harry Potter

1 New Chapter of  Eragon

2 New Chapter of Shadow Hunters

1 New Chapter of American Horror Story

1 New Chapter of A Demon Lord’s Tale

&

[ COMING SOON ] New Chapters in Chilling Adventures of Sabrina

 

Also, to remind you all and get your spirits up… Remember TOMORROW NANO WRI MO BEGINS~

ARE YOU SIGNED UP WITH BLOG? ON DISCOURSE? WITH ANYONE?

You should check Twitter for groups.

I.L. Knight

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~ This is Halloween ~

June Writing Mini-Camp: Day 19

Hi Hi Y’all!

Since, this is my first writing camp I haven’t really had it planned well. BUT I AM FIXING IT NOW! Until, the end of June I will have a post a daily reminder of the monthly camp and a day challenge to keep yourself going!

Day 19:

Reach out to any of fellow writer’s you know and check in! Tell them about your WIP and what it inspires in you.

I.L. Knight

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The Golden Girls Theme Song

Time Management Problems :

Hi Hi Y’all,

I am sitting here in the laundry room, trying to multi-task, and decide how I should fix my recently worse than normal time management problems. I find the fact that an annoying building resident has decided to open and spread out three bags of laundry over the table I am sitting at a highly distracted and detractor in this mission of mine. Never the less, I shall work my hardest to execute a decent and productive plan for the rest of my summer and its expected achievements. Let us begin with the goals, shall we:

  1. Finish the updated Chronicles: A Tale of Shadow & Light
  2. Have the print version out sometime within June
  3. Publish the ebook version of my poetry book, Confessions of a Teenage Poet out within a month’s time.
  4. Begin a steady schedule of Podcast episodes
  5. Since once a day doesn’t seem to be happening, at least three blog posts a week with a hopeful set days for each
  6. Steady and predicably timed updates of Fan Fiction & an increase of Fan Portal chapters
  7. Major desired updates of all my sites
  8. The introduction of a proper beginning of my publication house, Knights Publications
  9. The completed draft of the web novel series, made with the brilliant outremusings, H x E Volume 1
  10. Lose at least 20 lbs
  11. Get a B- in my Japanese course and return in a semi-successful manner to a McGill student.
  12. If I have extra money, and possibly raised my credit score, I would love to finally get beginning level decent equipment so I can start streaming again.
  13. Finish copyrighting all of my works and tittles
  14. Becoming even more organized within my life and increasing my adorable DIY projects
  15. Save money for a trip either this upcoming winter break or next summer
  16. Hold my first meet & greet or book launch party in Montreal/ get in more book stores as a ‘local author’ ; possibly without the need to dress up and present myself as the stereotypical image of an ‘indie’ author.
  17. To work on my efforts towards friendships and going out. My penssion for social isolation does unsubjectively need to be corrected.
  18. To increase the time and attention I put towards taking care of my mind and body’s health.
  19. To challenge myself to not only dress up in nicer clothes but the clothes I always wanted to wear and was too scared to before.
  20. TO KICK ASS AND LOVE MYSELF.

So, we can break down a few of these I think. The first is a simple explanation of the draft site The Crows Nest Co (Co as the regular site was already taken by some bastard who was considerably inconsiderate of my personal affairs). My podcast is amply named the Crows Nest as to highlight my peculiar and quirky nature. As for themes and topics, season one is set to be a mixed bag of testing material. Not too complicated at the moment. The next break downs I believe would then be my fan fiction page and my fan portal page. I seriously need to keep up with the random requests for a steady schedule of star trek and harry potter based episodes. Further, I would like to increase my pretty much finished 8-9 Volumes of the Maou-sama no Machizukuri! ~Saikyou no Danjon wa Kindai Toshi~ . Next, I would like the catch up of my Marvel and DC related stories and images. They seem to catch quite some attention and I have both fear and hopes for their possible attention by the respected comic companies. Next, I think I have failed at properly showing the support and love towards Chinese web novels such as Against the Gods, Douluo Dalu, Tales of Demons and Gods and 1/2 Prince. Lastly, to focus on the updates of Hakai no Miko, Overlord, Re: Monster in my sites series updates (possible Shadow Hunters as well due to its rising popularity). While, my fan portal just needs an increase of my lovely tender fans not only commenting on my site and social media more but asking for such works.

The only thing I wish to break down is the works of @Outremusings. She is a frequent co-author on web novel series and fan fiction series such as: Star Trek, Hp 1, Hp 2, H x E and AHS. In addition, I have the honor of featuring on her new podcast series and promote her new website, undisclosedmusings.com.

As for these goals, if you have any questions, comments or concerns let me know. Because, trust me, I have a shit ton of them myself.

I.L. Knight

P.s. I also really need to figure out previous page and next page options don’t I?

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She Works Hard For The Money – Donna Summer

Updates In Honor Of Things:

Hi Hi Y’all,

I’m baaack~~~

Let’s get the ball rolling with today’s 4 topics!

1: Star Vs. The Forces of Evil:

Ok guys, just so you know from jump I am a TomStar shipper. As amazing as the ending of the series was the loss of that and the loss of magic was just too much for my heart (even though everyone was crazy irresponsible and magic probably should of disappeared- poor all magical beings the Mewmans just murdered).

I have 0 ability to write healthy great inspiring friendships. Star and Marco to me was like the ultimate written pair of that inability I have. I didn’t see the need to have them have to be a couple. They could of stayed their own people. I will say, though, in any case based on the relationship Star had with Tom they should have broken up. Seriously, Disney that is not an appropriate example of a relationship to show children.

2: Game of Thrones:

Tonight is the final episode. This season has been a great concept awfully rushed and not fleshed out properly. I SWEAR TO G-D THAT IF THE LEAKS ARE TRUE AND BRAN BECOMES NIGHT KING I AM FLIPPING OUT. He would be a horrible disastrous unfit King.

I once again reaffirm that, besides Tyrion, Sansa is now my favorite character.

3. In Honor of HBO’s new series His Dark Materials, based off an amazing fantasy series written by Philip Pullman, I may be doing a short fan fiction for it:

The current rough draft idea is a young girl of a man who owns a bookshop on the border of the bad part of town and the okay part of town. The opening would be something like this:

The door opened quickly, revealing the sounds of bells and wind. A young girl with messy strawberry hair and mismatched school tights entered the dusty shop. The shop was both bigger than it seemed, as was the case of the entire old building, and smaller than it seemed due to the massive amounts of books stacked everywhere. The presence of a large lioness sleeping off in the side also effected the dimensions quite a bit.

“Dad.”

A tall salt and pepper haired man walked out from behind a doorway. A soft smile appearing on his face.

“You’re back sooner than expected.”

The girl huffed her way towards the counter. The tiny rat that had been hiding in her coat scuttled his way out of her clothes and onto the wood. His form shifting quite quickly into that of a bored looking lynx.

“There was no club activities today.”

He smile appeared to grow even gentler.

“I see. Do you want to help with the shop?”

She shook her head no.

“There doesn’t ever seem to really be a need too.”

The older gentleman faked a wince.

“Who taught you to be so mean to your father.”

“Certainly not mom.”

The gentle atmosphere turning somewhat somber and still.

“Neith.”

She looked down annoyed.

“I know, I know. She’s on an adventure.”

The room silent till she continued her words.

“What sort of adventure requires a child’s entire lifetime, though….”

Her father cracked a small smile.

“I imagine an adventure that is quite fun.”

4: Confessions Of A Teenage Poet:

It’s a sappy lame poetry book that y’all should check out! It is released late this week on Amazon Kindle!

I.L. Knight

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His Dark Materials – HBO Season 1 Trailer

A Tribute To Daemons

*Cover by the fabulous @melo_dekelsa *

Back Pain & Why Tattoos :

Hi Hi Y’all,

I know more and more I talk about chronic illness. It’s not meant to just be a purge, a kvetch or a notice for recognition. Lately, my flare up have just been getting worse and longer. All the advice doctors gave and the awkward hard to explain moments just seem worse. More then ever, I am just tired. So very tired…

A friend of mine is coming up to visit me in April and I am so excited to have someone see where I go to University and be an understanding friend. I had been debating when ( and more importantly) where to get a back tattoo I have always wanted.

When I was a kid I was obsessed with Yakuza movies, samurai movies and ronin movies. I loved the traditional colorful tattoos on them and the values that seemed to come with them. As I got older, learned more about what it meant and how it was perceived I didn’t want such a large piece anymore. For awhile, I thought about abandoning the idea completely.

Then I got my diagnosis and I started to reconsider. What eventually solidified the desire to get the tattoo was this increasing problems. My drugs are increasing and surgeries that seemed far off seem sooner and sooner. More and more I feel like I am missing out and that I’ll miss out on things even more in the future. Weighed down by everything around me and having it all be unseen is taking a bigger toll on me. I can do less then I used to at the moment and no one really sees it or understands it. More and more I have to come to terms with being seen by the average person as a ‘disappointment’.

It’s these things that make me stop caring about some of the things I used to. If I feel like life is short and changing so much for me I have to at least do the things I enjoy? A giant back tattoo or some crazy visual representation of all my problems probably won’t do much for me, but that doesn’t mean I can’t stick to aesthetic and feel as if I did something to show it.

My back has two curves and a tiny hump on my neck. At the top of my spine there are signs of bones thinning and possibly going to fade away. As you got to the bottom of my spine fusing has started, my hips are out of place and my legs are now two different lengths. None of this can be seen or understood unless I give up and say I want to walk around like Quasimodo so people notice me. That is always going to be the reality of my back. Anything from now on won’t be seen.

I like small minuscule and thin lined tattoos. Normally, I don’t want color and just want simple black. I’ve known since I was small I would want tattoos that represented ideas that meant a lot to me in life. Knowing this it isn’t hard for me to know what sort of tattoo I’d get on my back.

At the top of my neck, I would want in thin black lines Vegvisir. Vegvisir is one of the most popular Nordic charms. It wishes for the person to never lose their way in storm and bad weather even if the path is unknown. I don’t think there is anything more symbolic of everything going on then that. However, there is one more reason. My great grandma’s mother was a Swedish Orphan. She had come to the U.K. and met a Spanish Jew. They married and moved to the U.S. Apparently, unlike her husband and the efforts she put into now being Jewish and raising Jewish kids she never gave up her belief system. She was very very very Christian. I’m talking crosses and bloody Jesus pictures everywhere sort of Christian. Yet, there was one thing that my great grandma remembered seeing even when she didn’t know the name of it until I told her: Vegvisir. In a legacy where only food and some old myths managed to be passed down, my great grandma could vaguely in her dying times remember seeing Vegvisir as a child. Now how could I argue with that? Jewish or not, my great grandma read me Nordic myths as I was growing up, joked how if it was true Odin was 100% cooler than Zeus, and how we were meant to be tough because it was just in our blood. I’m traveling rough waters right now and maybe that means it isn’t just about being Jewish, but remembering all beliefs that helped create me.

Underneath Vegvisir is the real highlight though. Running in small thin lines will be the I Ching and its 64 changes. For a person of my aesthetic and weirdness (and love for Asian culture) what is better then 64 line patterns each symbolizing a different part of early understanding and divination? Nothing. Seriously, nothing at all. My life is certainly one of change and phases, of fortunes and dis-fortunes, and of joy and sadness. These line patterns will follow the crooked path my spine takes all the way to my tailbone. Maybe it will seem funny to some, but to me it’s a little part of the truth. And when these inevitable surgeries come, the scars appear on my back and the fight through new types of pain begins, I have marks of it all. Little lines that exist as part of scars and as part of the journey.

Going through all of this has taught me that living behind a mask is no longer something I’ll really be good at again. My body demands of me the truth. It demands that I grow past the angry cynical jaded girl I was when I was young and try to find the joy of life. It tells me that it will not tolerate lies and will only tolerate truth.

Don’t I have to do it then?

I.L. Knight

P.S. Odin really is way better. Norse > Greek everyday <3

Vegvisir

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I Ching

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Pagan Folk Music – Vegvisir

And Here I Went & Had It Slip Out :

I did something I really shouldn’t of done at the dinner table. A very rude comment slipped out from my mouth and I am normally better than that. I really do ascribe to the belief that when you are in conflict with someone there exists a certain social obligation to not bring that into a social environment with people around. Maybe it’s the Southern thing in me, but I feel it is completely rude and disgraceful. So letting my resentment slip out in a comment is a bad reflection on myself more than mistakes my mom has made with me.

But it did slip out. And I can’t change that now. So all I can do is describe my feelings about it and what caused it to happen here. Since my mom and I aren’t in a place were we can talk about our feelings.

Here it is. I was sitting in the car on the way to dinner with my grandma and my mom. And they were talking about my mom’s struggles with selling her house. It’s been a very long chaotic process and my family is in real estate and loves to talk about it. Further more, my grandparents have always been very good at recognizing my aunt’s accomplishments and her part in helping my mom out sometimes. Which is something I recognize as a problem for my mom. Since she was the older sister and school things were always harder due to her dyslexia and certain mental illness that runs in the family. It is hard for her to watch her younger sister have unhealthy tendencies and still get praised more then her or her daughter.

Still, I think I was feeling the pressure of being unproductive and folding to my anxiety recently and so I was feeling really down. The thing is I had to be open about something I was working on and proud of. I figured telling my grandmother and the rest of my family first was better then going to my grandpa about it. Because he really hasn’t aged well when it comes to his temper and his ability to recognize anything I am doing. So when the conversation ended about real estate I tried to bring up my L.L.C. It didn’t go well.

They immediately said tell us later, maybe over dinner, and went back to their real estate conversation to talk in more circles. And that probably hit me harder then it should of, because of where I was at mentally that day. But it’s really hard sometimes being held to this ridiculous standard of what is an accomplishment for me and the fact my family is very surface level about me. They don’t really respect or acknowledge that I am a human being with feelings and struggles until I get into a major problem. And then even then it’s about the disappointment of it all. It hurts that they never dive past the shallow to actually get to know me and fight my introverted nature. I hate the fact that everything I do is so very easily dismissed and no one ever wants to talk about it. Even if they will dwell on other people’s conversational topics. My grandparents consider me as their third daughter, and yet I feel like I am a robot they expect to be perfect so they feel like they’ve accomplished their dreams through me.

So when they dismissed it, I felt something a little worse then slighted. Betrayed. Ignored. Unloved. Lonely. Most sad adjectives really. I kind of felt numb, but at the same time that everything I do is worthless in the end. Here I was struggling to find the perfect holiday gifts for them, because I now had my own money and they didn’t really care about the gifts or me growing up. They made me feel like a side piece that was expected to handle everything on their own, because their support was painful. Meanwhile, I began to dwell on their attitude about presents. With my grandma her presents are always kind of shady. Like a free coupon for a blow out the last two years in a row, because she doesn’t think I do my hair enough. With my aunt she’s always been the slightly better one with her craziness in finding good gifts. I mean, she once made me a Shinee shirt with the wrong member, because she remembered their name. It was cute. My mom really is the kind of the worst at gifts. She always gets me jewelry. And yea I like them, but it is never something I really want or appreciate on my birthday or on a holiday. And she always said she can’t help it, because jewelry catches her eye. It’s just every year getting the same thing you don’t really care about is more then just unsurprising, it kind of hurts as a buildup kind of pain. Here I hunt for jewelry for you, because you love it and even advise the rest of the family on what you love. And you ignored my need for a new laptop to buy me a diamond necklace on my 21st birthday. I can’t wear it, so you took it and wear it yourself.

Plus there is their reaction to gifts I give them. They either move on or go it’s cute, thanks, and then move on still. My grandpa didn’t care about the cute Trump mug I got him about liberal tears. My grandma didn’t care for more then a second that I found a cute coffee cup that said ‘coffee makes me poop’ when that is her current catch phrase. My mom at least wore the rose quartz masala beads I got her for a night. Which is okay. And my Aunt did recognize I noticed she needed a new credit card slip for the back of her phone. She even enjoyed the monogram and that it was black leather. Still, it hurts.

So here I was ruminating on that in the car ride to Olive Garden and then we get there. And I am silent in a corner as they talk about more real estate. It never ends. By the time dinner got to the end I never got to say my good news. Hey family, guess what? I own my own business at 21! Wahoo~ Yea, that news didn’t really come out at all. So I was like yo, let me tell my good news. And they all sighed and basically implied yea just get on with it already. And I did. And they didn’t really care. My grandma was like okay and turned away from my direction. My mom then asked why. Which my grandma said she didn’t understand my choice, because I am not in the place to spend money and school is most important. My Aunt said congrats. My mom said an argument to defend my grandma when she saw my face. I couldn’t respond and then they moved on.

The thing is my mom felt bad and a little while later why my grandma was paying the check she turned and tried to say congrats and be supportful in her but this kind of way. The thing is I was already deeply hurt by then. Doing this was a huge thing for me when I have so much pride I don’t do things for the risk of failure and their opinions on it. So when she commented how could I not tell her sooner, she wouldn’t of yelled at me for being on my computer so much I slipped out this:

Because I don’t like you.

And then the table went silent. And I immediately in my head had to be like OH SHIT. But in my typical fashion I put on a ‘I don’t give a damn I am a proud cold fish’ sort of face. Which made my mom freak out more. She was all like seeee she starts everything and hates me. I.L. Knight is awful blah blah. I.L. Knight is evil blah blah. We don’t have a relationship, because she hates me blah blah. She is a rude bitch blah blah. And so in increasing in the I am monster sort of comments. Of course my aunt turned away and ignored it, because she only says anything when she feels like I am scary psychopathic monster. Which is impossible by the way since I am emo about my emotions. But even my grandma was silent and disappointed. She completely turned away and didn’t say anything. Even though she knows about some of my hurt with my mom. We had talked about earlier how the present thing was messed up. Yet, she couldn’t give me the grace of looking at me when she knew why I was sort of down today.

It reinforced in my mind that to them I was damaged goods. Before it was like there were just cracks to the perfection a person was supposed to have. Now, I was completely gone. I was an unfixable project with sociopathic tendencies.

I used to be better about my slip ups. I was perfect about pretending to be happy and dedicated to the goals they had for me. Since going to college and dealing with growing pains and health problems, I have lost my perfectly crafted mask. And in the process have really felt my tendency towards depression.

I don’t know. Here I am finally trying to pick up the pieces and they are more anxious about my 7 year old cousin’s interest in Ouji Boards then the fact some times I feel like my body is on fire and I can’t walk in the morning. Because, I leave it at I’m tired to much.

The silent ride home was really great guys. I am building more resentment towards my family over holiday presents,

I.L. Knight

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Daddy Why Did You Eat My Fries – Adventure Time

Oh Father – Madonna

Work Christmas Party

For the record : I wasn’t actually planning on going to this Christmas Party… I had 100% intention to be a crazy cat lady and stay home with my cat. BUT OF COURSE, fate has other plans in the form of a tv remote for the gym I forgot was in my pocket.

Surprise~ I am going to the Holiday Party. At least I got an excellent ride from a couple I love at work.

So all that being said here’s the gist of it all: I am not a party person. And it’s something I consider good and bad. It’s bad, because I definitely have times were I recognize what made me so closed off and uncomfortable with my body that I can’t enjoy that sort of “youthful” fun that a part of me really does regret not having. And it’s never a good thing, no matter who you are, to be so closed off to experiencing the world and having fun. But I also consider it good, because even if I didn’t go through certain things that made me so closed off I know I would still be a pretty traditional person. I definitely wouldn’t really make a lot of those decisions anyways. I am who I am to a certain extent. I mean even if it would mean I could of been a better dancer.

I think I had to write this though, because when I got home from the party I saw a Buzzfeed video about how one of the staff was taking/teaching pole dancing exercise classes as a way to become comfortable with her body after sexual assault. And, it was what hit me about my behavior in the party. How I sit on the side and find my enjoyment by watching others instead of actively participating in it myself. And yea, part of that is because of my ill-comfort with my own body. I think it is something I need to challenge. And maybe the solution won’t be in something like a Pole Dancing class, but it will be something.

I guess, my conclusion here is Happy Holidays. It’s a great time to evaluate yourself and remember what about you you love and what you have hope to change about yourself to grow. Because if you are in an environment like the winter holidays hopefully you are surrounded by the warmth and positivity it brings as a safe environment. And enjoy the good food, at the very least.

I need to go try and not be over serious and enjoy the forced upon me claymation,

I.L. Knight

P.S. IF I AM NOT DANCING POLITELY ASK ME TO DANCE – – DO NOT JUMP ON MY LAP/ DANCE ON ME/AND REFUSE TO GET OFF FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES. ( I have actual personal space)

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O Holy Night

Thanksgiving :

“I promise this is not a post about how it is a fact that commercial Thanksgiving has effectively destroyed for an even bigger more obnoxious commercial Christmas. It isn’t a post about the atrocities of settlers on Natives. Nope, it’s not about any hard to accept truth. It’s just about a girl who needs to complain.”  — Disclaimer

I will be the first to admit that I wasn’t feeling the holiday spirit at all. I mean family can S-U-C-K… But, I was looking forward to the feast that was Thanksgiving!

The universe, however, was looking forward to SERIOUSLY fucking me over. I know I need to move past my issues and accept my new physical limitations, but this was just BULLSHIT.

To wake up on the morning of Thanksgiving with Oral Ulcers (tiny blisters). I mean let’s just FUCK IT ALL Universe. I don’t even see a point in challenges anymore.

I.L. Knight

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Thanksgiving Song – Adam Sandler