June Writing Mini-Camp: Day 19

Hi Hi Y’all!

Since, this is my first writing camp I haven’t really had it planned well. BUT I AM FIXING IT NOW! Until, the end of June I will have a post a daily reminder of the monthly camp and a day challenge to keep yourself going!

Day 19:

Reach out to any of fellow writer’s you know and check in! Tell them about your WIP and what it inspires in you.

I.L. Knight

superthumb

The Golden Girls Theme Song

Time Management Problems :

Hi Hi Y’all,

I am sitting here in the laundry room, trying to multi-task, and decide how I should fix my recently worse than normal time management problems. I find the fact that an annoying building resident has decided to open and spread out three bags of laundry over the table I am sitting at a highly distracted and detractor in this mission of mine. Never the less, I shall work my hardest to execute a decent and productive plan for the rest of my summer and its expected achievements. Let us begin with the goals, shall we:

  1. Finish the updated Chronicles: A Tale of Shadow & Light
  2. Have the print version out sometime within June
  3. Publish the ebook version of my poetry book, Confessions of a Teenage Poet out within a month’s time.
  4. Begin a steady schedule of Podcast episodes
  5. Since once a day doesn’t seem to be happening, at least three blog posts a week with a hopeful set days for each
  6. Steady and predicably timed updates of Fan Fiction & an increase of Fan Portal chapters
  7. Major desired updates of all my sites
  8. The introduction of a proper beginning of my publication house, Knights Publications
  9. The completed draft of the web novel series, made with the brilliant outremusings, H x E Volume 1
  10. Lose at least 20 lbs
  11. Get a B- in my Japanese course and return in a semi-successful manner to a McGill student.
  12. If I have extra money, and possibly raised my credit score, I would love to finally get beginning level decent equipment so I can start streaming again.
  13. Finish copyrighting all of my works and tittles
  14. Becoming even more organized within my life and increasing my adorable DIY projects
  15. Save money for a trip either this upcoming winter break or next summer
  16. Hold my first meet & greet or book launch party in Montreal/ get in more book stores as a ‘local author’ ; possibly without the need to dress up and present myself as the stereotypical image of an ‘indie’ author.
  17. To work on my efforts towards friendships and going out. My penssion for social isolation does unsubjectively need to be corrected.
  18. To increase the time and attention I put towards taking care of my mind and body’s health.
  19. To challenge myself to not only dress up in nicer clothes but the clothes I always wanted to wear and was too scared to before.
  20. TO KICK ASS AND LOVE MYSELF.

So, we can break down a few of these I think. The first is a simple explanation of the draft site The Crows Nest Co (Co as the regular site was already taken by some bastard who was considerably inconsiderate of my personal affairs). My podcast is amply named the Crows Nest as to highlight my peculiar and quirky nature. As for themes and topics, season one is set to be a mixed bag of testing material. Not too complicated at the moment. The next break downs I believe would then be my fan fiction page and my fan portal page. I seriously need to keep up with the random requests for a steady schedule of star trek and harry potter based episodes. Further, I would like to increase my pretty much finished 8-9 Volumes of the Maou-sama no Machizukuri! ~Saikyou no Danjon wa Kindai Toshi~ . Next, I would like the catch up of my Marvel and DC related stories and images. They seem to catch quite some attention and I have both fear and hopes for their possible attention by the respected comic companies. Next, I think I have failed at properly showing the support and love towards Chinese web novels such as Against the Gods, Douluo Dalu, Tales of Demons and Gods and 1/2 Prince. Lastly, to focus on the updates of Hakai no Miko, Overlord, Re: Monster in my sites series updates (possible Shadow Hunters as well due to its rising popularity). While, my fan portal just needs an increase of my lovely tender fans not only commenting on my site and social media more but asking for such works.

The only thing I wish to break down is the works of @Outremusings. She is a frequent co-author on web novel series and fan fiction series such as: Star Trek, Hp 1, Hp 2, H x E and AHS. In addition, I have the honor of featuring on her new podcast series and promote her new website, undisclosedmusings.com.

As for these goals, if you have any questions, comments or concerns let me know. Because, trust me, I have a shit ton of them myself.

I.L. Knight

P.s. I also really need to figure out previous page and next page options don’t I?

Profile-Jpeg (1).jpg

She Works Hard For The Money – Donna Summer

Updates In Honor Of Things:

Hi Hi Y’all,

I’m baaack~~~

Let’s get the ball rolling with today’s 4 topics!

1: Star Vs. The Forces of Evil:

Ok guys, just so you know from jump I am a TomStar shipper. As amazing as the ending of the series was the loss of that and the loss of magic was just too much for my heart (even though everyone was crazy irresponsible and magic probably should of disappeared- poor all magical beings the Mewmans just murdered).

I have 0 ability to write healthy great inspiring friendships. Star and Marco to me was like the ultimate written pair of that inability I have. I didn’t see the need to have them have to be a couple. They could of stayed their own people. I will say, though, in any case based on the relationship Star had with Tom they should have broken up. Seriously, Disney that is not an appropriate example of a relationship to show children.

2: Game of Thrones:

Tonight is the final episode. This season has been a great concept awfully rushed and not fleshed out properly. I SWEAR TO G-D THAT IF THE LEAKS ARE TRUE AND BRAN BECOMES NIGHT KING I AM FLIPPING OUT. He would be a horrible disastrous unfit King.

I once again reaffirm that, besides Tyrion, Sansa is now my favorite character.

3. In Honor of HBO’s new series His Dark Materials, based off an amazing fantasy series written by Philip Pullman, I may be doing a short fan fiction for it:

The current rough draft idea is a young girl of a man who owns a bookshop on the border of the bad part of town and the okay part of town. The opening would be something like this:

The door opened quickly, revealing the sounds of bells and wind. A young girl with messy strawberry hair and mismatched school tights entered the dusty shop. The shop was both bigger than it seemed, as was the case of the entire old building, and smaller than it seemed due to the massive amounts of books stacked everywhere. The presence of a large lioness sleeping off in the side also effected the dimensions quite a bit.

“Dad.”

A tall salt and pepper haired man walked out from behind a doorway. A soft smile appearing on his face.

“You’re back sooner than expected.”

The girl huffed her way towards the counter. The tiny rat that had been hiding in her coat scuttled his way out of her clothes and onto the wood. His form shifting quite quickly into that of a bored looking lynx.

“There was no club activities today.”

He smile appeared to grow even gentler.

“I see. Do you want to help with the shop?”

She shook her head no.

“There doesn’t ever seem to really be a need too.”

The older gentleman faked a wince.

“Who taught you to be so mean to your father.”

“Certainly not mom.”

The gentle atmosphere turning somewhat somber and still.

“Neith.”

She looked down annoyed.

“I know, I know. She’s on an adventure.”

The room silent till she continued her words.

“What sort of adventure requires a child’s entire lifetime, though….”

Her father cracked a small smile.

“I imagine an adventure that is quite fun.”

4: Confessions Of A Teenage Poet:

It’s a sappy lame poetry book that y’all should check out! It is released late this week on Amazon Kindle!

I.L. Knight

poetry book snap save.PNG

His Dark Materials – HBO Season 1 Trailer

A Tribute To Daemons

*Cover by the fabulous @melo_dekelsa *

Last Major Fan Fiction Updates :

Hi Hi Y’all!

So, I am entering massive paper and finals flood for school and will have no time for like anything most likely. McGill can be a sucky school experience. In order to make it up to you guys I am releasing an ENTIRE VOLUME 1 of Fan Fiction for Maou-sama no machizukuri!~Saikyou no danjon wa kindai toshi! That’s 26 chapters and an epilogue completed!

I ALSO prepared OG artwork by DorkMasterXtreme of the main character for my Originals Fan Fiction. It is currently just a post of rough draft pieces written for a story, but will be one of the next Fan Fictions tackled and cleaned up after my finals.

Thank You Guys For Understanding!

I.L. Knight

03NhV-rK

A Poison Tree – The Originals

Back Pain & Why Tattoos :

Hi Hi Y’all,

I know more and more I talk about chronic illness. It’s not meant to just be a purge, a kvetch or a notice for recognition. Lately, my flare up have just been getting worse and longer. All the advice doctors gave and the awkward hard to explain moments just seem worse. More then ever, I am just tired. So very tired…

A friend of mine is coming up to visit me in April and I am so excited to have someone see where I go to University and be an understanding friend. I had been debating when ( and more importantly) where to get a back tattoo I have always wanted.

When I was a kid I was obsessed with Yakuza movies, samurai movies and ronin movies. I loved the traditional colorful tattoos on them and the values that seemed to come with them. As I got older, learned more about what it meant and how it was perceived I didn’t want such a large piece anymore. For awhile, I thought about abandoning the idea completely.

Then I got my diagnosis and I started to reconsider. What eventually solidified the desire to get the tattoo was this increasing problems. My drugs are increasing and surgeries that seemed far off seem sooner and sooner. More and more I feel like I am missing out and that I’ll miss out on things even more in the future. Weighed down by everything around me and having it all be unseen is taking a bigger toll on me. I can do less then I used to at the moment and no one really sees it or understands it. More and more I have to come to terms with being seen by the average person as a ‘disappointment’.

It’s these things that make me stop caring about some of the things I used to. If I feel like life is short and changing so much for me I have to at least do the things I enjoy? A giant back tattoo or some crazy visual representation of all my problems probably won’t do much for me, but that doesn’t mean I can’t stick to aesthetic and feel as if I did something to show it.

My back has two curves and a tiny hump on my neck. At the top of my spine there are signs of bones thinning and possibly going to fade away. As you got to the bottom of my spine fusing has started, my hips are out of place and my legs are now two different lengths. None of this can be seen or understood unless I give up and say I want to walk around like Quasimodo so people notice me. That is always going to be the reality of my back. Anything from now on won’t be seen.

I like small minuscule and thin lined tattoos. Normally, I don’t want color and just want simple black. I’ve known since I was small I would want tattoos that represented ideas that meant a lot to me in life. Knowing this it isn’t hard for me to know what sort of tattoo I’d get on my back.

At the top of my neck, I would want in thin black lines Vegvisir. Vegvisir is one of the most popular Nordic charms. It wishes for the person to never lose their way in storm and bad weather even if the path is unknown. I don’t think there is anything more symbolic of everything going on then that. However, there is one more reason. My great grandma’s mother was a Swedish Orphan. She had come to the U.K. and met a Spanish Jew. They married and moved to the U.S. Apparently, unlike her husband and the efforts she put into now being Jewish and raising Jewish kids she never gave up her belief system. She was very very very Christian. I’m talking crosses and bloody Jesus pictures everywhere sort of Christian. Yet, there was one thing that my great grandma remembered seeing even when she didn’t know the name of it until I told her: Vegvisir. In a legacy where only food and some old myths managed to be passed down, my great grandma could vaguely in her dying times remember seeing Vegvisir as a child. Now how could I argue with that? Jewish or not, my great grandma read me Nordic myths as I was growing up, joked how if it was true Odin was 100% cooler than Zeus, and how we were meant to be tough because it was just in our blood. I’m traveling rough waters right now and maybe that means it isn’t just about being Jewish, but remembering all beliefs that helped create me.

Underneath Vegvisir is the real highlight though. Running in small thin lines will be the I Ching and its 64 changes. For a person of my aesthetic and weirdness (and love for Asian culture) what is better then 64 line patterns each symbolizing a different part of early understanding and divination? Nothing. Seriously, nothing at all. My life is certainly one of change and phases, of fortunes and dis-fortunes, and of joy and sadness. These line patterns will follow the crooked path my spine takes all the way to my tailbone. Maybe it will seem funny to some, but to me it’s a little part of the truth. And when these inevitable surgeries come, the scars appear on my back and the fight through new types of pain begins, I have marks of it all. Little lines that exist as part of scars and as part of the journey.

Going through all of this has taught me that living behind a mask is no longer something I’ll really be good at again. My body demands of me the truth. It demands that I grow past the angry cynical jaded girl I was when I was young and try to find the joy of life. It tells me that it will not tolerate lies and will only tolerate truth.

Don’t I have to do it then?

I.L. Knight

P.S. Odin really is way better. Norse > Greek everyday <3

Vegvisir

118bb4986d85cdbd2a7772c617d3b31d

I Ching

61tgwP5WRbL._SY679_

Pagan Folk Music – Vegvisir

Side Note – Where I’m At :

What a few days it’s been. There is so much I want to say, get off my chest. First off, I want to say I am thankful for my friends. To use one of my friends words: “I’ve been burned by a lot of people, and now I shy away from people, because ‘people are crazy’.” It’s a good description that sometimes you need to hear from someone else. These are the friends I am thankful for. Because, they’ll say something like this when they know my anti-depressants are starting ware off or just if I need to hear it.

And I’ve been needing to hear it.

For one, there’s this boy. This innocent, kind, naive adorable boy. He legitimately likes me and is eager to get to know me. But whether its genuine me or genuine insecurities that wonderfully kind boy so soon has become someone that is boring to me. And I stay with it, not wanting anything serious, but allowing this poor boy to care. It’s a new comfortable warmth. I like it. And I know that makes me a bad person, but I like having someone for the first time in my life that is like eager to get to know me and be there for me. So, I have to face that soon.

Then there’s my health. It’s like in the last two months I have a basically constant flare up. Like FUCK MAN. Every time I feel good life has to be like here’s your weekly reminder of pain, pain and more pain. I’m so sick of it. I feel like every time I start to move past my rage phase some flare up happens and I get angry all over again. It’s just not something I know how to move past. How am I supposed to survive with a body that literally hates itself and is attacking me. And my mind! I have to manage all the pain, lack of mobility, and anxiety it causes with being  manic-depressive already. I’ve fought my depressing cynical nature since I was a child. It’s always been a struggle for me to not be the sort of person who would be numb as the world ended up dying in flames. Now, I have to manage anxiety attacks and even more loathsome self image! I mean come on. How am I expected to be a fully functioning adult here. Scratch that, how am I expected to be a semi functioning human.

Will my service dog applications really help me as much as I hope it will!

Then there’s my mom. My lovely, but bat shit insane mother. All of her pain and insecurities are just thrust out at level 10 viciousness at me so much. It was so bad the last few days I actually shut down from a panic attack. I couldn’t move for over an hour. There was just shaking and panic. After it, I was even shut down the rest of the night because the stress caused a fever and more inflammation.  It’s like all my family issues, especially the ones with my mom, are being thrust at me like some world ending spear.

A semi alive state of either sleeping too much, or not sleeping at all.

Then there’s my new fond fleeting hope that returning to acupuncture once a week may help manage all of this extra pain. Of course, I have to deal with everyone telling me that a legitimate medical practice is equal to a shaman convincing you to enjoy shoving needles into yourself.

Gah! I’m also like so lonely and need to start working again, so I can afford to be at the school I don’t even want to be at. WHY DO I NOT HAVE MONEY. WHY IS THE WORLD SOOOOO…. ugh. You know, I really do work hard. I wish sometimes there was a better more immediate pay off.

Oh. Some good news! A new web novel series has been added to my site. It’s called World Conquering Dungeon! The Prologue is up, so check it out!

Thank Y’all for reading,

I.L. Knight

service-dog-registration-services-300x246

These Times – SafetySuit

 

On Confusing Heritage : Getting Reacquainted

So seeing that Jason Momoa video also kind of reminded me of an interesting point. Jason Momoa’s step daughter Zoe Kravitz (can’t do accent for some reason) is of mixed heritage. They all are. Zoe’s mother, Lisa Bonet, comes from a Jewish mother and an African American Father. While Lenny Kravitz comes from a Jewish father and an African American mother. Jason Momoa himself is Caucasian and Hawaiian. Putting aside the obvious sub point that most people make that mixed kids are beautiful it reminded of something more personal.

You see, Zoe Kravitz admitted growing up she didn’t have connection to her African American heritage and identified as white. Now, she is interested in reconnecting with that side of her roots. Personally, I think it is a wonderful move on her part, because it is a part of who you are. But it also confuses me. Lenny Kravitz identifies as Christian when it comes to religion. I’m pretty sure Lisa Bonet identifies as spiritual, drawing from all walks of life for inspiration and understanding. But I don’t understand 100% of that decision.

People only like to admit being of Jewish descent in situational moments like this, when they aren’t religiously Jewish in some article. However, the religion of Judaism is separate from the ethnic background. It seems like although raised within the Jewish religion they gave up on their ethnic dies. As Lisa Bonet and Zoe Kravitz are technically by Orthodox standards ‘Truly of Jewish decent’ due to their matrilineal line. So why then is there this seemingly disconnect with that part of their heritage? Sure, in America the Jewish community is looked down upon by other Jewish communities for a lack of spirituality, but we do embrace our ethnic ties in some ways.

It makes me think about my own family. Where things are a little confusing, because it was some secret that wasn’t supposed to be brought up that we weren’t ‘truly of Jewish decent’ based on our religious affiliation. You see my grandmother’s heritage gets very mixed as you go back. You draw in many european and asian ethnic groups such as: Spanish, British, Swedish, German, Mediterranean, a few different Eastern European groups and my favorite the apparent Cossack Russian. I mean my grandmother was only Jewish, because her Swedish Grandmother married a Jew of Spanish/British decent. Her mother then married a Jewish man of seemingly German, Russian and Middle Eastern descent (all Jews claim the traits of their Middle Eastern ancestors sticking within them). My grandmother married my grandfather who was ‘truly Jewish’ by his Austrian and Polish descent. My mom in her rebellion married a Canadian of Scottish, British and French decent (from what I know). Yet, with all of this somehow I was still Jewish. Being Jewish was so hard core pushed on me I found little ways to reject it. I defined it only as my ethnic background, I didn’t go to hebrew school and certainly didn’t join in the community service groups. Temple was an only Yom Kippur thing, because I believed in fasting. Jewish was my ethnicity. It was the only thing I could embrace: not being white. I wasn’t like them. Now, I look back on it like I was even more stupid then people told me.

A couple of years ago, I went to Taiwan to live in a monastery to explore my growing interest in Buddhism. The experience was the best thing in my life so far when it came to becoming a person. It’s funny, the more I involved myself in the community the more I would read books on other Jews who explored Buddhism. One of my favorite authors is a woman by the name of Sylvia Boorstein. Who asserts her Jewish beliefs through Buddhist daily life practices. It was fascinating. The dots of this not connecting until someone who lived with me made an awfully racist comment about Jews. Suddenly, I was compelled to take up arms that I was a Jew and would not tolerate that. Then he pointed out that most of us aren’t ‘truly of Jewish descent’ by our own standards. And gosh dammit, why was he fucking right. Two things happened in that moment: (1) somehow I understood what Sylvia Boorstein was talking about and how I was rediscovering the Jewish religion through the lens of Buddhism and (2) I truly cared about my ethnic ties. It wasn’t just I am not white anymore, because in truth I was.

How could I miss that? I am so far from the Jewish stereotype people still ask me what I am doing for Christmas. Even liking Adam Sandler surprises people. I had to take a hard look at myself, because I lived my whole life by not being another white person. In truth, I don’t think anything I ever did up to that was about the Jewish religion. It was just my cultural upbringing. Then I remembered it wasn’t the only part of it. You see there was a trickle down effect of the smallest things that clung to my family like a desperate plea to remember. Times of Swedish dinners passed down by my great-great grandmother, stories of Norse gods and Russian fairytales, Yiddish and German in the household, and nights going to hockey games because I was Canadian. Looking back on it now I find it funny. It was like I did exactly what young Zoe Kravitz did. I embraced something because that was the environment at the time.

I truly respect her choices when it comes to exploring her heritage, but it still confuses me. It’s like a part of it seems to be overlooked. How could you do that? I mean I had to admit to myself I was a white person. I was mixed, by everyone’s standards. No one said anything about it, because I was pale. Only saying I was annoying, because I suddenly realized I want to identify as mixed. Like the right was not mine to say.

Their comments just made me place more importance in reconnecting to the heritage that was still passed down. It was a part of me that I had to now embrace and accept. I just don’t understand why in her interview with the press that never seemed to come up. Both African American and Jewish ethnic ties are her makeup. Seriously, she runs a high risk of health problems, because of us so it might be wise to know that.

Wonderful choice, but a choice that makes me feel slightly wrong and empty. It was another person not realizing that Jews are an ethnic group and Judaism is a religion. They don’t always go hand in hand. Why not think about that too? I try to now. I left my sheltered South Florida bubble. I wish more people would too, because at the end of the day it’s not about religion. It’s about recognizing who you are and accepting it as a joyful thing. Ethnic descent is a part of that.

Zoe Kravitz brings up my own confusion. Even though I know nothing about her personal journey. She could feel connected to it by all means. Yet, I am confused. If you seemingly deny it then I am just another American talking about not ethnically being American, because my great-great-great-great grandfather was Irish. I mean, ethnically no one is American except actual Native Americans. But I get the whole it’s kind of hypocritically, because we are so patriotic about our countries some times… But I don’t think I am a part of that. Parts of of these ethnic ties did survive in horribly understated cliché ways.

I am figuring out what I am separate of my religion. The food I eat, the stories I am told as a child, the music I listen to in the background, the dances I saw my family dance aren’t about religion. They are the backbones of culture itself. So while I am figuring out this confusion and watching others try to figure it out let me try to have changing opinions of others who may have similar confusion. Maybe let me have a temporary tittle of ‘mixed’ even?

Life is confusing enough now a days. Why make someone else’s life harder by being like that? I just want to figure out what it was like for my grandmother to Move from Sweden to the U.K. How did she bring British culture and Spanish culture into our lives. How did Russian stews survive, a barely spoken European language or a fondness for fermented fish and Lingon berries become an iconic part of who I am. It’s not much. It really is only a trickle down effect.

But in all the confusion I have as a person, I grasp on to it as a lifeline to a steady foundation. It is a part of me…. So Jason Momoa, the Kravitzs and anyone else out there struggling with confusion. Hold on to the confusion, because its changing viewpoints will help you grow I think. You are not one thing or two. You are just the combination of all sorts of things. And you will have a solid foundation at the end of it all.

I am still trying to find answers, but now I understand just a little bit more of myself… Thank You my dear loved ones (´・` )♡ .

I.L. Knight

67eb1e4ac9085ae9f03ca8d255a6fd47--manga-girl-manga-anime

German Cradle Song

I am Building My House – Joe Crone

In The People’s Republic of China – Ella Jenkins

Accidental Racist – Brad Paisley Feat LL Cool J

I Cannot Handle Jason Momoa

I cannot handle Jason Momoa sometimes. Every time I hear about something he’s done I wonder how he can exist in a world where everything I know has been twisted at least by one thing. And then I see this:

Jason Momoa Video Project?

I can’t even describe how often I’ve cried over my family. It’s what tears at me the most… And not only is he a funny down to earth guy with wonderfully obnoxious instagram posts of his family, but he is  also a great father. HOW DO HE AND HIS WIFE EXIST? HOW!?!?!

It feels like someone just took what I secretly wished for in a father and put in front of me as a great human being as well. I mean… honestly… I can’t even type out a decent post about it, because I feel my heartstrings being pulled at.

God Bless That Family Forever,

I.L. Knight

khal_drogo___game_of_thrones__jason_momoa__by_shonnawhite-d8lzuj4

Daughters – Jason Mayer

Should I or Shouldn’t I?

I’ve been wrestling with the idea for years on wether or not I should have a podcast.  On one hand, it is a great platform to talk about my interests and explore areas I never thought I could explore. On the other hand, it is also an activity that challenges my anxieties about using technology, maintaining a schedule and truly promoting a person. It shouldn’t be such a daunting decision, but it feels like with the media relevant day and age we are in that it is a much bigger choice then what it initially lets on. Putting aside the pros of it all I see two major cons: (1)OBS basic software is a challenge for me on it’s own and (2) would anyone watch a podcast without seeing the person’s face. I mean… I would still want to keep that feeling of anonymity. I like following in the footsteps of past female writers. AND I love the fact a pen name gives off the feeling anyone could basically be the writer. A podcast would just destroy that? No?

All that being said…. I did write an intro script and one on Jason Todd (because yea right I would wing it).

SHOULD I? SHOULDN’T I?

I.L. Knight

cac04b985f7c0fe64fffac7f3f1defe8

Carry On My Wayward Son – Kansas