The Weight On A Person’s Shoulders :

I’ve been hesitating on writing for awhile… More accurately, I’ve been scared of finally coming back to something like this. Writing is like the ultimate escape for me, but it is also the ultimate reality check. I definitely was trying to avoid my reality. The thing is… reality can be so hard.

My current reality is like some final OP hero skill that involves gravity magic and world collapsing events.

In this reality, I am an overweight sick kid who keeps falling every time they try to stand up.

I am the kid whose depression meds run out when I need them most, and the kid who is an epic failure.

I guess I am the kid whose reality is life when treading water starts to become more like semi drowning….

But I am back, now. I am putting some words back onto the page, because there is nothing else I can do. I have reached the point that even blocking out reality doesn’t work.

It suuuuuccckkksss….

I am scared; I am alone; I am confused; I am sad; I am lonely; I wish I didn’t have to take another breath; I wish I wasn’t alive as me; I wish I was anything else, but who I am in the moment.

Yes, lots of things have happened. Lots of goods and bads. Successes and failures. Triumphs and Tri-ummms…

There has been too much to put it all down on one post, so I am going to just say this.

I am back

This week I will be uploading the Fan Fiction floods I have been working on, writing on my blog everyday, rejoining social media and hopefully going back to fighting to love myself again.

Thank you for stopping by (ง ´͈౪`͈)ว ,

I.L. Knight

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When It Rains It Pours – Luke Combs

Medication …

The thing with being diagnosed with a new mental illness is that people automatically want you on drugs. I’ve held out for a really long time on taking drugs for even the things I’ve known about myself. Even if I need to be on Anxiety drugs and even if it will turn out to be good for me, As of now, all it does is make my head hurt. It’s hard to want to go out and socialize with people or study when you just want to bash your head through a wall. Even worse is the nausea and persisting insomnia. To top it all off trying to be friends with an ex eats away at even the numbest of hearts….

I feel so lost and confused. Nothing inspires me anymore and everything is reduced to a chore. The vivacity I had for life is gone and I miss it so much.

I.L. Knight

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I’m so Tired – The Beatles