Why Things Never Seem To Stay On Track With My Mother :

Let me say this, I love my mom. And I’ll say that as many times as I need to so it could be understood.

HOWEVER

Our relationship is always this up and down roller coaster I’d rather not have chosen for myself.

The problem is it always feels like I am giving 80% of the effort to adjust or change a behavior to make the other person happy. That’s why all those good intentions and feelings she have always fall short. Especially, when I was younger.

Things have been better between us the last year and I honestly think it is because I have done a lot of growing up on my own over the last few years. Growing out of the childhood phase and into a more adulthood one means I’ve developed better control over how I process and unleash my feelings on her.

But something she said tonight is just one of those clear triggers that can undo years of progress: you may have to give up school for a year.

I had to say goodbye immediately out of not knowing what I would say. Because I have worked SO HARD to be where I am in life. SO FUCKING HARD. And I’m not going to even go into to it here because I don’t even know how to.

BUT I HAVE TO AT LEAST SAY WHAT WAS SAID TO SOMEONE IN SOME FORUM. 

Because I am so scared of bottling these feelings inside me when I am still off my medication. I am so scared that these words came at a time when I am using all of my will power to remind myself how hard I’ve worked to get to where I am and how happy and proud of myself I should be.

It’s so hard for me to recognize that I am a person who wants to be alive because they can live for things sometimes and this is just comes rolling off a tongue so easily. Without even a consideration to the effort I put in to just waking up and not thinking it’s okay if I die today.

I love my mom but I also have times I really fucking hate her.

I.L. Knight

[ Confessions of a Teenage Poet ]

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Alyssa Lies _ Emily Osment

#FFF Day :

Hi Hi Y’all,

This week’s Fan Fiction Friday [ #FFF ] is none other then BLEACH.

Since new art was coming from the fabulous SD09 I had to update at lease 2 chapters:

Squad 11 : The Komori Servant 一

Squad 11 : The Komori Servant 二

They are both short conversation based chapters but they are important for the upcoming story! SO please enjoy them.

I.L. Knight

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Bleach: Brave Souls New Opening

 

Picard & FFF :

Hi HI Y’all~

Starting in January Captain Picard will once again be gracing our screens. Considering it is around the time my co-writer JJHW [ access to her site here] and I are picking back up our RP(s) at a more timely schedule it seems likely that our Star Trek series will gain more inquiries.

This is due to the series working off of our own custom Timeline and/or parallel universe.

I think I’m going to take a brief chance to explain some of the big things about the current timeline for the series. Especially, since renewed interest in Picard would mean more attention to the Star Trek Universe  itself.

First off, our series begins in the late 2100’s and early 2200’s: after Enterprise but before the original series. This is the time period where The Federation has finally started to shift from it’s beginning phases to appear as a united organization within the galaxy. Essentially, no jumpsuits and proper uniforms.

You’ll see a lot of the drama in the series relating to the fact of the remaining issues from the beginning of the Federation and it’s relationship with the planet Earth; while, also highlighting more of the issues between the species within the Federation and those engaging with it.

The new Picard series is much later in the future. Where there has been established relationships between many species and many trials undergone together. Thus, you’ll see the politics between the characters will be different.

Another big point within the universe we made is that is defines itself by having earlier contact with the Gamma Quadrant and Delta Quadrant. In the original universe (and others like Kelvin or Terran Empire) during this time period most contact was within the Alpha and Beta Quadrant. Interest and tests for the Gamma Quadrant and Delta Quadrant had really just started. This has set a huge change in that the Federation (and those in the Alpha-Beta Quadrant) having been introduced to more species, politics and powers earlier in the time line.

Specific details on how this happened do come out within the series later on. However, for some understanding for Star Trek Maesters I’ll sum it up briefly.

It was decided to have this change in the “normal” universe happen due to an accident with an exploratory vessel. It was launched/sent into the unknown Delta Quadrant. Over the years of breaking the established rules of no contact with pre-warp capable planets the crew members were able to create almost a junkyard looking station for themselves (based on taken resources). Many years passed but after certain events (we’ll get to later) contact was established back with those in the home quadrant and a combination of exploratory vessels were able to map a long slow path back.

This path meant direct engagement with the Romulan Star Empire and the Klingon Empire, which stood in the way of return. Due to the desire of expansion into the Delra Quadrant by the two empires skirmishes and tense agreements had been made. Essentially, the Klingon’s had a shoot on site policy with any foreign vessel within their territory but approved a very strict and small path through the Quadrant. The Romulan Star Empire became more aggressive towards the resources of the new planets and after many events formed an “alliance” of sorts, based on trade, with the young Federation. This allows them to use the established path to seek out “Trade” and “Contact” with those in the Delta Quadrant. In return, they have a warn first policy on accidental entrance into Romulan space and an Ambassador sent to the Federation.

As for any influence from the Borg it hasn’t been revealed yet within this timeline. It is instead felt within the Quadrant as if just a bit further lurks an intimidating danger. You may see within the series hints at Borg influences but nothing more.

Switching over to the Gamma Quadrant it has an even less built relationship with the species of the Alpha and Beta Quadrant. Introduction to the Cardassians has taken forefront very early. This has made exploration and understanding of other planets/species very difficult. There is an agreed upon route Federation ONLY vessels may take, however, their safety in dealing with a Cardassian Vessel is always up to fate. The Cardassian’s have sent an Ambassador that is only present for the big meetings. Unlike the Romulans they do not have a trade deal or any sort of relationship with the Federation outside of agreed upon routes.

There will definitely be hints at the Dominion for Star Trek fans but they are not part of the story what so ever.

Knowing these two things I think it is best to see this Star Trek series of ours as more of the politics within such a young Federation. How it affects and changes the Earth is a big part of it. As well as, how do all of these species adjust to working with each other and finding their places in this large organization that has been created.

Not everyone is happy with how quickly the universe got bigger and many people just want to profit over it.

That’s our Star Trek series. I hope you enjoy the characters JJHW and I wrote. The story is a Fan Fiction but it is also sort of an ode to a universe that became such a big part of our lives.

I’ll even swallow down any feelings about ships you may have. 😉

NEW CHAPTERS HERE : [ 100 –  101102103 ]

I.L. Knight

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Star Trek: Picard Premiers January 23

Reaching Out :

Hi Hi Y’all,

I got to say it’s a weird feeling when you don’t have hope towards something but receiving a normal action still somehow gives you that feeling of disappointment.

My family has no idea how bad I recently got and I wasn’t planning on telling them. However, I was just in the mood today were I needed to talk. That’s all.

But as usual the second I called my mom all I heard was her problems. Her dissatisfaction with the rest of the family and what went wrong with her day.

I mean it’s not something that’s a big deal or should be. It just feels systematic I guess? Heavy on my shoulders and back.

Physically, I can feel my spine collapsing even more into me and myself hunching over. In all of these cases, never once has she ever asked how I am. Even if I texted her before something like ‘I want to go home.’

I’m not … or was expecting anything, but I don’t know why there’s still a part of me that feels that hurt every time. A small voice that always seems to sigh out,

“What about me?”

I.L. Knight

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Somewhere I Belong – Linkin Park

Common Traits With Mental Patients :

Hi Hi Y’all~

Do you know it is common behavior for those in/out of mental health facilities to have developed habits of organization or habitual scheduling (At least those are my current words to describe it at the moment)?

I always saw it as an attempt to keep order and control within the chaos of feelings and emotions.

I don’t know if I ‘m right. I am by no means and expert or consulted one about it.

I can tell you that if this is true than I’m doing something similar to them.

I’m looking for order and control.

Since I will be off my mental health medication for an even longer amount of time I have to use the spur of clarity to form direction and purpose. In a controlled manner.

I have decided to focus on my site and the small projects I had on the side lines in order to help me stay organized until I can get back on medication. That means….

IT’S GOING TO BE AN UPDATE BANZAI FOR 2 MONTHS~

Look forward to it y’all! All those little tiny side projects and cute things that could make everything better has been pushed to the front of my agenda !

Hope you enjoy them all,

I.L. Knight

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Work From Home – Fifth Harmony

 

HAPPY HALLOW’S EVE & Fan Fiction Fridays ~

Hi Hi Y’all~

It’s Halloweeen y’aaallll~

I was saving this upcoming [ #FFF ] Fan Fiction Friday for this exact day. Let us liiiive in the fantasy for one day of horror and treats. I have prepared for you all and for our crazy little Sam quiet a selection.

 20 + New Chapters of Harry Potter

1 New Chapter of  Eragon

2 New Chapter of Shadow Hunters

1 New Chapter of American Horror Story

1 New Chapter of A Demon Lord’s Tale

&

[ COMING SOON ] New Chapters in Chilling Adventures of Sabrina

 

Also, to remind you all and get your spirits up… Remember TOMORROW NANO WRI MO BEGINS~

ARE YOU SIGNED UP WITH BLOG? ON DISCOURSE? WITH ANYONE?

You should check Twitter for groups.

I.L. Knight

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~ This is Halloween ~

FFF ~

HI HI Y’ALL,

Here’s this week Fan Fiction Friday updates!

[ NEW SERIES ] – [ Eragon ] 

[ HARRY POTTER ] – [ WAND TYPES ] – [ CHAPTER 7 ]

[ THE SHADOW HUNTERS UNIVERSE ] – [ FOF – 2 ]

Please enjoy,

I.L. Knight

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House Targaryen Theme Music

Bleach :

Hi Hi Y’all,

Have you noticed every day this week one Fan Fiction has been updated? I like the idea of a hunt and chase soooo I’ll let you search for the new chapters.

However, since its been awhile here’s the reveal of one update!

Collected Records of Gozen Tomoe : 1

It’s a Bleach update, Y’all~~~

I.L. Knight

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Bleach Live Action

Site Technicalities & Updates :

Hi Hi Y’all~

I have been working on some site fixes! [ really as you see them update you’ll be like oh you finally got around to these. ]

ANYWHOOOSE~

1/2 Prince / A Demon Lord’s Tale: Dungeons, Monster Girls and Heartwarming Bliss / Against The Gods / Akame Ga Kill and American Horror Story 

have all been updated AND had previous page / toc / next page formats added to them.

Enjoy~

I.L. Knight & Co-writer JJHW

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Akame Ga Kill OP