Hi Hi Y’all,
I have for you MASSIVE STAR TREK UPDATES.
That is all…
I know it seems like talk about my family issues a lot, but if you know everything that’s not really the case. I talk about surface issues and some of the intense feelings that have built up. I think now I’m ready to shed some light on one of the intense non-talked about issues my family faces.
To sum up the background context, people died and money fights began. It became the battle of the super wealthy and the middle class. Mental Health issues and rotten personalities blew up the situation and it became years worth of drama and attacks. Family members chose sides and refused to acknowledge the other. This has gone on still to this day. It has accumulated all of the experiences together so it can form the dramatic climax of all the shitty buildup.
At the moment, the wealthy 1% has succeeded at clawing every last drop of $$$ he can from every situation. Even now, the scum lord seems to be fighting a will of a deceased person to take $$$ left to other people in the family for no other reason than stupid feelings of anger, envy and greed. It is a situation were I find myself no longer able to try and see its side of things and remember we are family. It is a situation where I remember what its actions had done to the family of the past. How its actions rippled into painful memories for me.
I am enraged. I want to be like a character in a movie and burn it all away. However, this is reality. My mother will return to earth and realize that she cannot have these spending habits on the salary of a preschool teacher. My grandparents who continuously face financial struggles must not only support the rest of the family more, but deal with the emotional burden of the scum lord’s claws. My aunt must deal with the fact the scum lord is no longer family and does not want her to have money for her young child. My cousin can only grow up without any happy memories of family due to its influence.
While, I can only see it as an insult to everything we grew up with. Yes, I have a shite ton of problems with my family. However, we were raised, they were raised, in tradition and culture. Family is never abandoned and forgotten. Family is the heart of a home. How dare the scum lord and its people trash such ideals for such pathetic reasons. Scum. Trash. Someone who need a fiction stories amount of karma retribution.
I also needed time to grow. I needed the financial help from my family to afford school and housing. Have you forgotten how many people fucked over by your greed?
It is no longer my family. It no longer will have moments to be understood. It has made my grandparents burden worse, my aunt sad, my cousin missing of a possibility and my chronically ill mother need to give more than her body can give.
I pray for karma to seek the retribution it deserves. I pray for my family and our resolve.
Hi HI Y’all,
I guess I’m starting to step back into what I was doing and aiming to do. My medications were out for over two week and that plus school/family stress turned into an ugly pool of suffering. I mean I basically had my phone off as much as possible and tried to sleep through it as much as possible. BUT, my new medication refill has arrived and the dim light has returned at the end of the tunnel. I am reminded that I have wonderful and caring people in my life. I am reminded that everyone, including me, has a potential and the ability to grow. I am reminded that I too am alive and moving slowly towards a goal. That being said I was wondering what to do or talk about since rejoining the living and breathing society… I decided on D&D.
If you follow anything of mine I am pretty sure you know I love the games- D&D in particular. I was wondering if one day in the future I would add some sort of page with related content on it or have a cool podcast of the sort with it. However, I can’t just start that and jump into it/. Instead, I’d like to just introduce some of the characters I’ve used lately (some of their images and who drew them will be on my Instagram if you wish to see).
Current Main: Glasha – 1/2 Orc Druid with a Pet Spider named Muk
Recent One Shot: Paisley – Gnome Sorcerer that takes a bit of everything and is chaotic evil(ish)
Soon To Be 2nd Campaign Of The Season: Tecumseh – Feral High Elf Ranger with a pet Panther named Pandaros
Hardest Play: Mercy a.k.a Sheriff – a Tiefling warlock with a pair of twin pistols and a bounty on her head
The Begrudgingly Non-Magic Character: Layla Alyndra Van Morgoon – an Aasimar descendant noble fighter
The One Time Only: Zale – the Aarkocra Bard that couldn’t fly because flight rules get annoying…and so was role playing a bard
The Genderbend: Aurwun Kinstalked – the fallen aasimar monk with a sketchy past and a loner disposition
As you can see, I prefer playing non-humans and things with magic. Mostly because HELLO, IN FANTASY WE CAN FINALLY HAVE THIS! Also, I love to play Chaotic Neutral and Lawful Good annoys the SHITE out of me.
However, you can play whatever you want in D&D. That’s part of the beauty of it. If you are a seasoned player or someone interested in learning you can always hit me up here or on Twitter about playing a game. Seriously, I pretty much will always have time for D&D. It heals the soul.
OH, also…I updated the RWBY Fan Fic page. I promise to actually return, fix up and add to some of the older Fan Fiction. It isn’t fair for me to keep all of it trapped in my own head.
Hi Hi Y’all…
Yea, I have been sick lately. The worst cold EVER. My voice has been up and down and my ability to function seems to fluctuate. BUT, I have pushed through to use all my energy to finish some content.
So, here we go with the updated Fan Fiction:
That’s all for now. I promise to try and return to the outside world as soon as possible.
Oh, actually, also I made a practice bullet journal. People seem to really say it helps with organization so let’s make a practice one to see if it helps…
P.S, does anyone know how to add previous/next page options on here?
Hi Hi Y’all,
I think I’ve met another situation where appreciation doesn’t equal the true understanding of emotional strength in a situation until one’s been in it before: the grind.
I grew up in a middle class family with typical crazy ass middle class problems. My biggest worries were always emotional and based on social dynamics. It’s the sort of crazy that seems particularly less of a problem for those of lower economic status. Where, food, shelter and education tend to be the more prominent concerns. I’m not going to sit here and lie and say I’m approaching that line. Mostly due to fear of a verbal smack down from a friend the first time my thoughts started to head in that direction.
What I will tell you is that for the first time I really am participating in needing to grind through to maintain a semblance of your former economic status.
Let me explain:
(1) Many people know the roots of many of my issues stem from family. This will not ever change. However, there is a way to relieve some of the stress in its most basic attachment, money dependency. If you cut strings that hold you dependent you can find room to breathe. The thought alone is nice, but it isn’t an immediate practical step for the majority kids in my possession. We were never taught to work, budget, or accept basic life style choices others have had to make.
(2) This is were the transition phase starts. Research on what you are exactly dependent on begins. Calculations are made and beautiful word documents created to try and summarize your life by numbers. From there you look at that scary truth and start to try and formulate a plan to afford to pay them. You get your first proper part time job. You start side hustles or free lance work here and there to get the few extra bits of cash. You even maybe get more than one credit card so you can do a new form of balancing act.
(3) Now, we’ve arrived at stage three. You’ve been really at this for awhile. You can sort of do the routine, but it isn’t perfect yet. Your life has become multiple part time jobs/freelancing, school and work comes first mentality, some of your old enjoyments are overpriced unnecessary goods and your new tittle has become minimum payment queen. Your natural 700s credit score is in the 600s because of choices you made to learn how to be an adult… Stage 3.
(4) This is what I mean when I say I am more than just appreciative towards those who are in the grind, because I am now in one as well. It doesn’t matter that my voice is cracked as hell, that my school assigned me a shit ton of work, that I wanted to write a book, or that I wanted to spend more time on myself. If it doesn’t fit in with the flow of the grind of the week it doesn’t fit in. It’s a no.
Yes, I am luckier than most. Yes, I probably shouldn’t ever say I have to live this life when I have people who will be there to catch me when I fall. HOWEVER, what I can say is that I am living a life that makes me my own person. I am living the life an adult. These tough decisions and annoying thought processes are now on my shoulders.
Living your life independent of attachments to others or of your own insecurities is a challenge. I think it is important to take a moment to realize all that you are doing to achieve the goal. You have to admit sometimes it sucks, your tired and you don’t want to do it. Then you need to be proud of yourself for still showing up for the fight.
That’s the grind…
Getting up over and over again.
Ain’t going to let anything stop me from standing up in the morning.
Hi Hi Y’all…
Returning home is always a tough battle for me, so I think I need to express my feelings through some pretty bad poetry. It is an example of some of the longer more thought provoking poetry in one of the next works I’m editing: Confessions Of A Teenage Poet. Don’t worry though, the book is a mix bag of dark, humorous and some just plain silly.
My Mother Is Abusive
My mother is abusive-
it’s not her fault.
She never intended to be-
Life just had environments
My mother reminds me of pain-
And shame, rejection and rage.
She never intended to-
That I’m sure of,
But that’s how it’s been.
My mother doesn’t see-
I think we live in two realities.
She never meant to say the words,
But natural reactions come out
And the damage is done.
My mother once walked in-
On me being molested.
She never asked me what happened,
What was happening,
But she asked them.
It was natural
For me to be the ‘wrong’.
She intended to say
I was shameful
And embarrassing for her.
When I told my mom
About the rapes
The first response was-
“It’s not my fault.”
“You never said anything.”
When my health declined
And I had to learn
How to be disabled
I was over dramatic and excuseful.
Her pain was real.
When I gained weight
I was truly failed.
She wanted me to feel shame
For not being what the world ‘intended’
Or what she did.
My mother often says
That growing up
Means changing everything
About me and what I want.
I mourn in silence.
I don’t think
Se’s a bad person.
I think she has so much
Love in her heart.
But it’s a heavy pain.
My mother is abusive-
Because she has helped
Me form these scars.
I Love You, Mom.
Hi Hi Y’all…
Recently I’ve had to make a hard choice. I don’t know if it is something that would be difficult for you, but it is definitely a big step for anyone.
Not many people know this but I have been saving the little money I earned from birthdays and holidays since I was a child. I sort of kind of from a family that taught a kid what an IRA was before basic morality… Actually, I’m pretty sure we’ve never actually had the what does it mean to be a good person talk… We did have money saving, education and stock talks though. The money I had saved was divided into three areas of saving: (1) personal cash savings, (2) savings for future family use and (3) stock.
When I turned 20 I got in a huge fight with my grandfather. He was the one in charge of the money put away for me from my family. The result of our fight was him deciding to let go of control and hand it all over. At the time I was panicking, because I had no idea how to responsible for such a sum of money and for money that was for this future of mine.
Two years later and I know that I am firstly thankful that we did have those sort of conversations in my family. I had a rough plan, I knew how to buy stock, to put limits on my own account and make sure I had an account. But I have also reached a point where this money and this future it is for is now a grey area. I have to help pay for University. Working part time when I can doesn’t do as much as we would wish. I have to be able to pay for as much as I can for myself. I am now in my twenties, with a bad relationship with my family at times, with little capability of being independent and bills to pay.
I had to sell some of the stock for the first time in my life to help cover those bases. I guess to a lot of people that may sound silly of a confliction. But, respectfully, I don’t think you then understand what that means.
I had to touch on something that was a result of the one big epic talk of my childhood. I had to touch the hard work and effort to stay in a reality that I don’t even like half the time. It felt as if I had to stain something black to cover up things. And yea I know it was a proper adult decision…that’s what savings are for… but still I couldn’t help but hover over the sell option.
There was this deep pain in my chest. Like I was losing something. Like the effort I put into it no longer mattered. That’s when I remembered that I had to suddenly go from spoiled to an adult not because of my own choice, but because it was sink or swim…Which, felt even crappier.
But anyways… I sold some. I paid my bills like a responsible adult and I tell myself I’ll get over that feeling. Because if I hadn’t known to save up all of this time the money wouldn’t of been there in the first place.
P.s. OG artwork by xSkyfishx has been updated on the Sabrina Fan Fiction. Catnip and her brother Thorn looking perfectly creepy.
Hi HI Y’all!
I have been giving up on the few precious hours of sleep I could possibly have to send you so many updates this weekend and this upcoming week. SO MUCH. Just to give you the general rundown there was the addition of STARWARS and Soul Eater to the Fan Fiction page. Plus, DC Comics Outlaws was updated~~~ AND the super secret forced podcast I was made to do started this Saturday ( on the crowsnestco.blog ) For early access to any of these I shall remind you it’s just 1$ on a month on my patreon (https://www.patreon.com/ilknight )… Which you will notice had been updating like craaazy~ And will continue to do so as I have already ready to post stuff for Chronicles: Slaves of Desires and Confessions of a Teenage Poet which haven’t seen the light of day anywhere yet. So first access will be a thing for sure!
Please enjoy guys~
P.S. I’m actually working for a company that’s looking for bloggers, writers, illustrators and editors if y’all are looking. Just DM me~
I’ve spent hours on the computer today. I wouldn’t be surprised if my eyes started bleeding from how much computer work I did… Most of it is on the back end BUT
Lordy, there has been so many updates on my Patreon….that isn’t even about if you love anymore. For one dollar you can literally see so much. So. go. please. see. it’s a dollar.
AND… Know somewhere in the back of your mind that COMING SOON =
The Crows Nest Co
The Crows Nest Co is a site that will hold quite a few podcasts on it and the FUTURE MERCHANDISE OF SO MANY THINGS YOU WILL WANT TO BUY!
While Knights Publications is going to be the stop you will want to make if you intend to self publish!