Patreon & More :

I’ve spent hours on the computer today. I wouldn’t be surprised if my eyes started bleeding from how much computer work I did… Most of it is on the back end BUT

Lordy, there has been so many updates on my Patreon….that isn’t even about if you love anymore. For one dollar you can literally see so much. So. go. please. see. it’s a dollar.

AND… Know somewhere in the back of your mind that COMING SOON =

The Crows Nest Co

&

Knights Publications

The Crows Nest Co is a site that will hold quite a few podcasts on it and the FUTURE MERCHANDISE OF SO MANY THINGS YOU WILL WANT TO BUY!

While Knights Publications is going to be the stop you will want to make if you intend to self publish!

I.L. Knight

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Money, Money, Money – Mamma Mia

Exhausted :

Hi Hi Y’all,

I am completely and utterly exhausted. BUT. I have to push through for at least another 3 days…SO. Adding to the site today we have one chapter update for American Horror Story Fan Fiction:

Chapter 7

AAAAND… I have Part 1 of the updates for an orginal web novel series between Outremusings and myself, called H x E. There is now 21 chapters up!

H X E

Other news, I did one of those Buzzfeed thingies. I tried to go back to my past life and stuffs. So I asked myself (as instructed by the video) what have I brought with me, and this is what I saw:

The sight of tan bareless feet running….trees…I’m in a forest. I love the forest…It’s so beautiful….But I can’t think like that because I’m suddenly filled with worry…I’m fleeing from something…I can see my hands. There tan, rough. I think I’m Pacific Islander. Maybe South Asian…But my instinct says I’m Pacific Islander…. I can also feel smoke although I can’t see it….Just like how I can suddenly feel the ocean near me…I keep falling… I want to stop running…I’m exhausted…So exhausted… I just want it all to stop.. BUT..I know I can’t. I have to get where I’m going.I think I’m a screw up. That I’m not good at what I’m supposed to be good at. And now I know all these people depend on me getting there. And I hear the sound of someone crying, but I can’t see them. I didn’t know the pain could get worse…and as I run I see black start to cover my vision………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

I think I died. I don’t think I made it. I think I let down those people. Because suddenly I hear lots of cries, and know a fire is crawling towards me. That I’m about to become ashes and return to the earth…I know I never made it………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….And then I’m back in that world tree. The accumulation of all mes is a little girl with a bunny doll. And I watch her drop this tiny old fashioned bunny. I watch it fall from this tree and place that is dark and light all at the same time to empty space. Falling until somehow I can no longer see it. The words in a voice I can’t recognize linger in my head, ‘Let Go’.

Welp. That was my one fun introspective update of the week. Also, I got called a Kyke today in class. I won’t get into it, but… I haven’t been called a Kyke since I was seven and in such rural South you questioned  everything about yourself…Still processing that. But I know I’m feeling some sort of pain.

Also, to my friend Outremusings, my ride or die, I’m sorry I’ve been falling into old patterns and not being a good friend. There’s no excuse.

My goal was to stop myself from feeling so overwhelmed. It was to control my anxiety and be here in the present with the people that love me and the people I love. And you are most definitely on the top of that list.

I really just want to feel like I’ve become successful in any capacity…I want my service dog.

I.L. Knight

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Shalom Chaverim

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[ Picture is COMichael Cohen’s ]

 

Side Note – Where I’m At :

What a few days it’s been. There is so much I want to say, get off my chest. First off, I want to say I am thankful for my friends. To use one of my friends words: “I’ve been burned by a lot of people, and now I shy away from people, because ‘people are crazy’.” It’s a good description that sometimes you need to hear from someone else. These are the friends I am thankful for. Because, they’ll say something like this when they know my anti-depressants are starting ware off or just if I need to hear it.

And I’ve been needing to hear it.

For one, there’s this boy. This innocent, kind, naive adorable boy. He legitimately likes me and is eager to get to know me. But whether its genuine me or genuine insecurities that wonderfully kind boy so soon has become someone that is boring to me. And I stay with it, not wanting anything serious, but allowing this poor boy to care. It’s a new comfortable warmth. I like it. And I know that makes me a bad person, but I like having someone for the first time in my life that is like eager to get to know me and be there for me. So, I have to face that soon.

Then there’s my health. It’s like in the last two months I have a basically constant flare up. Like FUCK MAN. Every time I feel good life has to be like here’s your weekly reminder of pain, pain and more pain. I’m so sick of it. I feel like every time I start to move past my rage phase some flare up happens and I get angry all over again. It’s just not something I know how to move past. How am I supposed to survive with a body that literally hates itself and is attacking me. And my mind! I have to manage all the pain, lack of mobility, and anxiety it causes with being  manic-depressive already. I’ve fought my depressing cynical nature since I was a child. It’s always been a struggle for me to not be the sort of person who would be numb as the world ended up dying in flames. Now, I have to manage anxiety attacks and even more loathsome self image! I mean come on. How am I expected to be a fully functioning adult here. Scratch that, how am I expected to be a semi functioning human.

Will my service dog applications really help me as much as I hope it will!

Then there’s my mom. My lovely, but bat shit insane mother. All of her pain and insecurities are just thrust out at level 10 viciousness at me so much. It was so bad the last few days I actually shut down from a panic attack. I couldn’t move for over an hour. There was just shaking and panic. After it, I was even shut down the rest of the night because the stress caused a fever and more inflammation.  It’s like all my family issues, especially the ones with my mom, are being thrust at me like some world ending spear.

A semi alive state of either sleeping too much, or not sleeping at all.

Then there’s my new fond fleeting hope that returning to acupuncture once a week may help manage all of this extra pain. Of course, I have to deal with everyone telling me that a legitimate medical practice is equal to a shaman convincing you to enjoy shoving needles into yourself.

Gah! I’m also like so lonely and need to start working again, so I can afford to be at the school I don’t even want to be at. WHY DO I NOT HAVE MONEY. WHY IS THE WORLD SOOOOO…. ugh. You know, I really do work hard. I wish sometimes there was a better more immediate pay off.

Oh. Some good news! A new web novel series has been added to my site. It’s called World Conquering Dungeon! The Prologue is up, so check it out!

Thank Y’all for reading,

I.L. Knight

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These Times – SafetySuit

 

Sunday Announcement :

Hi Hi Y’all !!!

I have a bunch of news for you! First off I have Fan Fiction Updates ~~~

The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina

The Originals

Next, I have to shout out my girl, Lisa Stapleton. She is going to be the go to blogger for NANO 2018!

https://lisastapletonauthor.wordpress.com/

I will also be doing NANO 2018 and have a discord with a few other writers. It will be as close 24-hrs as possible for all the writers out there so be sure to join at this link below:

htt[s://discord.gg/Yudt66P

As for my other work, all the fun original goodies I am happy to announce the tentative schedule. Next Wednesday I will be releasing a teaser for my debut novella The Chronicles: A Tale of Shadow & Light.

AND that’s not all. Before next Wednesday, for those who keep their eyes on the site, will be the first to see updates on one of my web novel series.

Don’t forget to check out my weekly Sunday, 11am est Smite stream for dropped hints about whats coming in the week! AND PLEASE…

Tenguufeather

If you have a moment or two take the chance to hop on over to my Patreon and help a girl out.

I.L. Knight

Thanks for everything my little lovelies,

I.L. Knight

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Like A Vampire – Catrien Maxwell

 

 

Star vs. The Forces of Evil :

So, Star Vs. The Forces of Evil is ending and I am so torn. SO TORN. The problem is I don’t know whether or not I am too upset to watch the end of season 3. This is going to sound like the nerdiest most sappy geek like thing ever, but: I AM REALLY ANNOYED WITH THAT STARCO MOMENT. I get we are probably going to have the cliche where the best friend male character is the predestined fated true love of the female protagonist (because we can never just have a great friend story) happen, but having Marco kiss Star right after Tom and her finally get the growth they should have and be super cute IS JUST PLAN AWFUL. That is a waster of having Tom and Star together or Kelly being interested in Marco. All of that awkwardness could of just waited till the next season. Don’t do it back to back like that.

And you want to know the worst part if you are a Tomstar shipper like me? All the Starco fan fiction children are so amazing. Like seriously amazing. Luna and Cressida and Sam are so great I would love an episode where a bunch of parallel world kids just pop out team up and save Mewni…..Why can’t someone make (specifically draw because I have no talent in that) cute kids for Tomstar? TOM DESERVES CUTE KIDS TOO.

Please, internet if I write bad fan fiction will you help me?

I.L. Knight

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Star’s Princess Song – Star Vs. The Forces Of Evil

Fan Fiction Update :

Just a quick introduction!

I have added Lost Girl Fan Fiction onto the site, because it was my old binge watch and inspiration hit. It is so much easier to add rather than finish existing works….

Please check it out:

Lost Girl Chapter 1

I.L. Knight

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Lost Girl Opening

Web Novel Updates :

Before I sit down in assignment hell and overload I just wanted to quickly update two of the chapters for a web novel I have been shopping around….As soon as I get out from under my assignment and life overload I will update more.

MOOOORRREEEE,

I.L. Knight

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All The Tired Horses – Bob Dylan

 

Temptation of Rps:

I’m really tempted to post on this site the Harry Potter Rps I have with a fellow writer that’s appeared on my site. The problem is, no matter how good they are, there is so much problems with posting and dealing with harry potter stuff that is a struggle bus I’m not 100% like want to have…. But still, this Slytherin love of mine.

I.L. Knight

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Slytherin Playlist

Am I Actually Upper Middle Class? :

I’ve been struggling to find a way to become independent from my family for the last year or two. I think it is the biggest step a person can take in moving past having family issues is to not rely on them in such an all demanding way. The problem is I’ve lived my life as a spoiled middle class girl that wasn’t supposed to work. You could say my savings and job related skills were minimal.

All of that aside, I was sitting with a friend one day going over what I now know about money and how I want to take steps towards separating financially from my family by the time I graduate undergrad and a comment was made about me owning stocks. It was made to connect the dots with being someone in the upper middle class economic bracket. And being told that got me thinking about being middle class. I mean first off, owning stocks doesn’t equal having actual money. I mean it is mostly used for continuous reinvestment that you don’t touch until future unless emergency. Plus, when shit goes bad in the market you lose the money. Yea, there is privilege about knowing about stocks, but it is definitely not a type of thing you can wake up and buy and then have a bunch of money.

And my grandparents, the one who provide for my family’s lifestyle? Well, my grandpa is his old age still gets up between 4 and 5 in the morning to prepare to work all day in the store. I kind of get why he is a crabby Republican. He was definitely someone who never got much from the government except the benefits of being in the army. However, it was the Vietnam era and so were benefits even worth that much if the risk was such more while serving? He thinks he achieved the American dream for his family of poor immigrants, but I’m not so certain. My grandmother on the other hand is completely pessimistic about the American dream. Hard work can only go so far for her. Yet, she works even harder than my grandfather.

My grandmother grew up in a wealthy family that had to spend the money to about every other person or vice in the family then her. She didn’t go to college and she didn’t have a chance to work much, because she married young and became a house wife. My grandparents didn’t have money in those days. My grandma’s family only helped my grandfather find a job and take them out for a weekend dinner. So she became the Queen of Couponing and making all your furniture. When she even got the nice house though there was still struggles. Where we were in the ‘middle class bracket’ would constantly go up and down. Sometimes, they could afford a second house. Other times they had to sell it. Sometimes I could afford private school. Other times my mom had to take a less paying job to work at the school for reduced tuition or I had to get a scholarship.

But you don’t see all of that, because being anywhere in the realm of middle class you are dressed up presentable. Comments can’t or shouldn’t be made because then you would be a snob, or undeserving of your luck. It doesn’t matter if you yourself don’t care about money, or if you are only trying to understand the worth of it. It seems to constantly be going, so up and down no matter where you started (unless you are super rich then you really don’t have that problem).

But even if I was still upper middle class, I got a lot of problems. A lack of money always seems to be a more physical problem. However, having money always seems to bring psychological ones. A shit ton of them. I mean the wealthy side has disowned and abandoned the middle class side. Eight to nine years later they still don’t talk. My mother expects a paycheck from me if I exceed in any manner of economic stability in the future….Well, I don’t think that one is such a bad thing. You know, tradition, family paying back what’s due or someone’s care. Although, my grandparents point that out as wrong. Ah…whatever this isn’t about my mother’s shallow future shoe or botox collection.

I think it just about with money you always get a struggle and you never seem to know your place. There is the broad sense of you are poor, so it doesn’t matter to the world technically how poor you are. There is the out of the realm sense where you are so rich it is painful to know how much, or else you will become a maniac. There’s the middle class where you are so overly critical that you are constantly filling out paperwork or questionnaire’s to know technically where exactly you stand.

But see. In any case you still have problems. And in my case, even if my family is middle class, they don’t just pull out a card and give me what I want. It’s always what they think I should want. I still had to work for my interests alone on my own dime… and not any dimes I earned from owning stocks.

I kind of hate money even if it important for society… It is always leaving a sticky imprint on everyone’s’ lives.

I can’t even afford rent on my own. Independence is a far away dream,

I.L. Knight

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She Works Hard For The Money – Donna Summer